I am so exhausted. So tired of never getting good sleep because of nightmares. I feel like I’m slowly getting more and more consumed by this. My quality of life is abysmal.

Been waiting almost 2 months now to start therapy again. Worried that therapy won’t even help me. I’ve done talk therapy and DBT, but it got me nowhere. Was about to start EMDR, but I had to stop because I couldn’t afford to pay for the telehealth service that I was using. Most medications haven’t worked. Only things that have helped with the anxiety part are gabapentin and klonopin, but my prescriber wants to pull me off of those. Prazosin barely does anything for my nightmares.

15 years of pain and just white knuckling my way through life. I struggle to have motivation to better myself, maintain friendships, making a living/working. I even recently lost a 5 year relationship because of this and I’m still devastated.

As I’m typing this I’m stuck in bed unable to do anything except being so upset that I had multiple nightmares last night.

I’m a survivor of the troubled teen industry and it hurts so much that I’m unable to get any sort of justice to hold the people who hurt me and others accountable.

I hate this so much.