Mostly just a rant without any like… thought to what I’m writing? I’m a rising senior and I’ve been working so hard since my freshman year. I’ve been trying to take breaks, prioritize relationships, etc but I feel like I’m drowning. There’s always so much to do to be “competitive” and what makes it feel worse is I’m an international student hoping to apply md/PhD so I feel like the odds are double not in my favor. I just want to cry and give up and not do or worry about any of this any more. I have an almost guaranteed spot in the phd program at my undergrad and I feel like i should just run with that if I’m so unhappy all the time. But like…. I’m so afraid of regretting not pursuing the MD. When I volunteer at the hospital and when I shadow I’m in awe of the physicians and am hopeful that that’ll be me someday. But when it comes time to put in the work I feel crushed, overwhelmed, paralyzed. I cry while doing Anki lmao. I’m just having a really hard time. That is all.