Hi beautiful pregnant people. I’m 22 wks FTM. Not my first time posting here, this resource has truly spared my sanity throughout my physically and emotionally difficult pregnancy. So I come to you again, still struggling.

Backstory: I met my partner about a year ago but we didn’t begin dating until 2 months before I found out I was pregnant. Although the relationship was new, we both wanted to keep it. It was way too quick, but I moved in with him and ended my lease. Wishful thinking I guess.

From the start of my pregnancy, my attraction to him has completely diminished, and I began noticing red flags that I had ignored early in our dating (dismissive of my emotions, emotionally immature & manipulative, insecure at the mention of my past & trauma). This has gotten so bad that I don’t want to be in his presence, so instead of continuing to bottle it up, I decided to ask if we could have a talk on Saturday. I began by expressing how grateful I was for all the things he was doing and being patient with me while I was struggling through pregnancy, but that there were some things that were concerning me. How I had been bottling it in because of how he had responded to similar issues in the past. I mentioned some trauma I had experienced that was resurfacing due to the pregnancy and he quickly got emotional, exclaiming that “it wasn’t me who did that!” And how “he had experienced similar things!” And I felt very dismissed and unheard. After some cool down time, I addressed how his response made me feel, and essentially got “well I’m much better than I used to be” “I’ve been doing everything trying to make you happy” and “you wont even let me touch you” - it totally devolved. By Tuesday, I was pretty resolved that I needed space, so me and my dog went to stay at my friends for a few days.

So here I am, at my friends house, feeling totally checked out of my relationship. With a little girl on the way. And no where to live long term. And not enough money to survive maternity leave alone. And unsupportive parents. And a terrible housing/apartment market.

Luckily I work from home, so I could move anywhere really, but the only support I have- my network of friends, is local. I do have a therapist that I meet with tomorrow, thank God. I’m so lost right now. And don’t know where to turn or what I’ll do. Part of me thinks I need to just suck it up and reconcile with the baby’s father, or at least try to. I don’t know.