I knew the ssa process would be hard. I knew it would take time but I still wasn't ready for this. I'm diagnosed woth autism, ptsd, adhd, and borderline personality disorder and transgender to boot. So I'm already pretty much everything people hate. My disability is invisible to most so I'm most often told I'm just lazy. I applied for social security but I been told by many people I'm just wasting my time but I got a lawyer and supportive doctors so I have a 5 percent chance of getting it maybe.

To get by during this intentionally hard and cruel process I turned to government assistance. 240 for food and 248 for cash a month is definitely better than a goose egg but people think I'm rich on that and get angry when I'm out of money in 2 weeks and still have half the month to go. Whats even better is if i get social security i have to pay this cash assistance back. I tried getting more services but I don't qualify for anything because I don't have a child and single adults where I live are fucked, I don't even get to count as disabled because social security hasn't made that determination. 2 months ago they did my annual redetermination for my cash assistance then they did it again this month for no reason it seems. They even cut me off well before my due date. So I reapplied and was set woth an interview and never got called. OK no big deal I'll call them, and they wouldn't answer. Finally gets a call and I'm being yelled at for missing interview I didn't get call for and told to reschedule. I reschedule my interview and benefits immediately denied.

My social security case hasn't moved much since I applied fall if last year. Took them 8 months to deny me the first time. No I'm waiting for another denial which I expect will take 5 more months followed by 20 months for an AlJ decision. It's great because my area has a judge that doesnr approve anyone. So a nice person might hear me out but i might just get denied anyway. Even an approval cam take over a year till a payment comes and who knows who they'll force my payee to be.

I got horrible credit from getting second degree burns all over me and hospitalized for attempting suicide at 21. Most of the burns weren't even my doing but a work safety Hazzard. They had pinnacle but they decided to not pay it so I got more debt. I also went to the er when I git a 3rd degree burn on my hand but medicaid didn't pay because it wasn't serious enough to get treatment they said. I got a lawsuit pending for that. Just in time last week I found out this lump on my arm is a cancerous sarcoma. Cancer at 26 is definitely reasonable. I was so glad my state gave us a 750 dollar tax credit this year but oh wait 100% of mine got garnished because of outstanding student tuition. Fasfa declined to pay after withdrawing from classes to see my dying grandmother. I had surgery in June and was too poor to go to my last 2 follow ups because I didn't have enough gas to get there. Medicaid also declined to pay for the surgery after I had ir already. Who knew that was a thing.

Last year I used a jacket with taped up holes to get through winter. This year I brrn using a light sweater as pretty much. My only long sleeve clothing cause it's mostly what I got and it's gotten to 20 degrees and below so far. It sucks always needing stuff but never being able to get it. I also need to fix the damage on my truck because it's been broken into 4 times and stolen once in the last year. They also stole my tools so I'm really fucked.

Speaking of fucked, drug addiction gets added to the mix too! I got introduced to my drug of choice and have gone off a new deepend. This is really good for a person scraping by as it is. Even worse me and my now ex roommate made our addictions deeper. As we both got deeper into addiction we just get even more toxic. We just having fights daily and all the peace is gone. I should of known when my drug desperation lead me to go to a sketchy place where some weirdo grabbed my tips from behind on their bare skin and all I wanted was to see my roommate but I was just yelled at for not getting drugs. We just kept getting worse after that and this time I had money from her. I come before I'm supposed to the run she starts screaming at me for not checking my phone while I was driving and after awhile I gave her the money back until she yelled at me to go do it. The run was taking longer than expected as per unusual. I was told it would be a couple hours and after a few I black out in my truck. 15 hours later I wake to to my product then I see in my phone my roommates done woth me cause she just wanted the money after all and I can't undo the transaction. I also have multiple novellas stating shes done wirh ne and im gone from the place i was living. So in typical me fashion I make things exponentially worse by ignoring all messages because of all the stress they give me cause in an idiot and a bitch.

After avoiding the situation and new reality for awhile I've come around to it would be better for both of us to move on. Would be nice to at least get my stuff back at least. Don't think she's gonna let me knowing I don't have the moeny that I'm betting she wanted to use on a phone. I wish I could give half of her product and these pills I got someone to get for her pet but I know that ain't gonna do it so I just sit here on the angry chair unsure of anything now. Bumming around in the truck hasn't been so bad at least.

This is a rant and not meant to downplay anyone's struggles. Ibknow things could be far worse for me and in responsible for where I'm at mostly and I can accept that. I just needed to get some ahit out because I don't feel so happy with all these new developments and I can't handle shir like an adult