I'm sorry everyone for me venting. I'm just so frustrated.

So almost 3 years ago I was making some not so great choices with my life. I was heavily addicted to drugs (meth) and really the only reason why I was 100% homeless was due to me "working" as an "escort." Anyway, long story short, I found out I was pregnant with a miracle child, a little girl. It was in that moment I cleaned my life up for my little girl, vowing to never look back.

Shortly after walking away from my old life, my bank account was frauded (although it was never confirmed I know that it was done by my so-called "friends" that I had been hanging around with prior to finding out I was pregnant) and my account was fully suspended. Now because of the way my bank operates, removing any account restrictions is left up to the home branch of the individual. My home branch is located in my home province, close to 1,200 kilometers away. I was locked out of my account for close to 3 weeks before finally managing to get in touch with the branch manager for my home branch.

I moved back and spent the last 2 years living with my mom and raising my daughter. My daughter's father is semi in the picture in terms of physical presence but that's as far as that goes. Financially speaking, I'm the sole provider (her father job hops and is far to inconsistent and just can't be relied on that way so I don't even bother) for my daughter. About a year into me living with my mom (my daughter had just turned 1 by this time), I put my name on the waiting list to be accepted for public housing in the province I had moved back from. I waited and waited until I had just kinda forgotten about it. Then one day (June 5/22) I got a call letting me know that there was a unit available for me. I quickly packed up my car and my daughter and drove out to come view it and to start the paperwork for possession (August 1/22).

Because it's only me financially and because I had forgotten and hadn't really saved up, making the move was difficult and there was a point where I had stopped eating just to make sure that there was enough food so that my daughter could. I am really fortunate because I have had other people who have helped immensely, finding me furniture, getting groceries (especially when they found out about my food situation), gas for my car.

I've really tried to make it so that my daughter has as much of a normal life and childhood as possible. One that I never got. I've even gone and enrolled her for as many government child programs/bonds as are available. Part of which was signing myself up for a life insurance policy in case something god forbid happen to me.

Except it's been nothing but headache after headache. The main headache now is that a month and a half ago, I had asked my rep if my payment date could be changed to the 20th of every month to match when Child Tax Credit comes in. I never received an email confirmation stating that it had been successfully changed and last month I never had a payment go through my bank account. So yesterday when child tax came in, I bought everything I needed to and put the remaining amount that was left over on my credit card.

Imagine my surprise and horror when I woke up this morning and my bank account shows that my life insurance payment came through during the night (morning of the 21st for clarity) and now my bank account is overdrawn $72. That's just the $72 payment that has yet to be returned. To top it off, the very first payment my life insurance company took out was as one total. This time, it's for two different amounts. One for $59 and the other for $14. Which means that I won't just have one NSF but two. Because my bank charges $50 per NSF, that's $100 that I'm going to get charged.

Right now I'm just so frustrated because I'm trying to do everything right. I hate the fucking system. How is it that when I go to a store and try to use my debit card but I don't have enough money in my account, then my debit card is declined at the store. But yet the bank allows these payments to go through even though I don't have the money in my account and the system knows that I don't. Only for them to turn around and charge me money for not having enough money. Even though they're the ones that designed their computer progras to let payments like these through.

It's like why am I even bothering? It's not even just with the bank. I was over at a friend's house doing laundry because I don't have a washer and dryer in my place yet (I have to provide my own) and I forgot to register my car for the parking and got some bullshit parking ticket. $85 if it's paid within 10 days of the ticket. Otherwise it's a $125 after the 10 days. It's like maybe I can't pay that $85 right away because 10 days is barely enough time between two paychecks for some people. So you're going to penalize me for being poor? It's times like this where it's really hard not to go back to that life that I said that I would never go back to. Because at least that life I had money. Money enough to pay for hotel rooms, clothes, drugs, drugs for my "friends," etc.

I listen to how happy my daughter is, giggling as she runs around on the floor above my head, and I love her so much and I just feel like I'm not able to be the mom I know I can be for her because I'm so fucking stressed all the time about stupid shit like NSF fees and where our next meals are going to come from and how am I going to stretch things out further than they already are.

Anyway, thank you to all of you who took the time to read my rant and sorry for being a downer about things but letting it out here does kinda help.