I suck at every job I get. A can keep them a year or two before it always something to make me quit or get fired. Last one was over being forced to wear a black shirt outside to work in during summer.

To make matters even worse, I can't do the physical labor I used to after an injury from an accident at work. I can't get anywhere moneywise. I'm broke, my truck's about done for, and the possibility of homelessness is becoming a less than distant reality as my rent is jumping 300$ in a few months.

I had two interviews this week, one at retail and one at a restaurant. Both of them wanted me to unload heavy freight weekly. I just can't anymore. As much as it looks like I can, and if it was life or death I could, anything more than a couple things and I start hurting really bad due to extensive nerve damage.

I don't got much but I am still pretty sexy and I was blessed with a big dick. A few years back I got offered money for sex. I didn't take it but I have regretted it since. I've found that I am very popular with a certain segment of the gay community.

I figure maybe I could get an OnlyFans going or something. At least try to make a few extra bucks. Not sure how to really go about anything practically but maybe that's the way out. Maybe letting old married men blow me for 200$ is the ticket out lol

But, yeah, I never thought this is where I'd be. I wanted to design airplanes or be a detective or an attorney. I couldn't ever build an actual skill set that is useful or be useful. In my defense, I took a solid shot to the noggin back in '06 in the military and haven't been the same so maybe I would've been someonebarring that.

Honestly, the only reason I've been able to stay where I am at is because one of my ex's is a very successful medical professional takes pity on me and pays me very well to do handyman work and sometimes just outright gifts me cash. I think she knows how bad things are for me anymore and just feels bad. I take care of her dogs a lot. The oldest dog is technically mine as well so until he's gone we are in kind of a joint custody situation haha

But looking at how dire my finances are, I feel like I'm in a living nightmare somedays that life is like this and I just want to wake up and I have that life I always thought I would get to. Someone of importance and competency. Someone with valuable skills that contribute to our society. Man, I really thought I was gonna be something.

Now I can barely hold a thought for a few minutes and when I can, it's about fucking. Maybe that's just where I was meant to be and to do. Make money with my dick. Bring joy through orgasm.

I'm so lost these days and it's extra hard because I thought when I'd look ahead to the future, once I got to these years life would be better. I'd have a home, a career, and meaning by now I thought.

Thanks for listneing.