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I'm firmly of the attitude that giving up porn should not be an exercise in starvation, but rather, recalibration. That is, recalibrating your body, mind and soul. You recalibrate what it means to feel horny, to feel pleasure, and what it all means. We carry a lot of emotional blocks around sex as a result of porn, and learning how to masturbate in a healthy way not only helps us with porn cravings, but also can help to dissolve away some of the negative thoughts we subconsciously associate with sex. Eg "it's bad", "I'm bad for doing it" etc.
I believe healthy masturbation is an integral part of the process of quitting porn and recalibrating.
I've put together a list of things that help me improve masturbation considerably. This is beginning to take on life as I get further into my pornfree life:
Reduce the frequency
This ties in with the 'recalibration' point above. Porn makes it so easy to get aroused that we can do it at the drop of a hat, several times a day. Unless you're in the early stages of a relationship and head-over-heels in love, that's probably way more sex than you actually need. But because porn makes it so easy to access that plastic, artificial 'horny' feeling, we convince ourselves that we need it daily or more.
If you try going for even just a few days without masturbating, you'll find your urges rising to a level you probably haven't felt in years. If it feels good, that's because it's meant to. This is how you're meant to be. So aim for a lot fewer sessions.
Only do it when you are actually horny
This should be obvious, but I know it's not. Spacing out sessions is one thing, but just because you've been three or four or seven days, doesn't mean you should automatically masturbate just because reasons. If you're not actually horny then there's just no need.
Take your time
Because both masturbation and porn are both typically associated with shame, people don't always appreciate the experience for as long as they deserve to. This is a perfectly normal experience, and is no different to giving yourself a nice relaxing hot bath. It's a special time where you can fully embrace your whole self. There's no rush.
Masturbation is one of the purest forms of self-love there is
With masturbation, you are showing your love for yourself by embracing every part of yourself. There's nowhere that's taboo or naughty. It's all just different parts of you. Remind yourself that you are loved, and that healthy masturbation is just another way of expressing this.
Touch everywhere
It's easy and tempting to go straight for the genitals. But remember, this is an exercise in loving and accepting ALL of yourself. And since you're in no hurry, you may as well see where else feels nice.
Relax your grip
The days of 'death grip' died with your porn addiction. Real men know how to pleasure themselves without needing that.
Don't hold your breath
I'm not sure why some people hold their breath during sexual pleasure, but there's no need to. Whenever I notice myself doing it, I pause for a moment then explore why I'm doing it. Often it's because I'm trying to avoid feeling something. This is full body pleasure, and you can only do that when you don't run from any emotion. Breathe into the experience. You don't want to constrict anything. You want to focus on expansion.
Use Orgasm to your Advantage
There is a bit of talk online about using orgasm to reprogram the subconscious mind. The theory goes that, while we're in that stage, our subconscious mind is more suggestible to new ideas. So if you want to change how you feel about something, try thinking that thought through your orgasm.
After-care is important
Something I noticed about myself a few years ago was that the 'walk of shame' to go and get cleaned up was a big contributor to the let-down I was feeling after I was finished.
Sexual experiences don't just end the minute you climax. There's a lot more of the experience to be had after that happens. After you're done, take your time. Just rest and take in all the sensations. Don't be in a rush to get up afterwards. If you need to, bring something to clean yourself with in advance, so you don't have to rush away quickly. Those feelings of self-love we talked about earlier are really important now. A lot of the time, post-orgasm is when we are at our most emotionally vulnerable. So please look after yourself and, if need be, remind yourself that you are safe and ok. Be really gentle with your thoughts directed at yourself after you are done.
Those are all I can think of for the moment. Feel free to share any of your own below.
commenting so i hav this forever. these are good tips!
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