I’ve been having dreams these last days about me watching porn, getting caught and just feeling really bad/panicky. So yesterday I just I honestly felt unsure about whether or not I actually HAD watched porn recently or if it was just in a dream. Also felt really stressed out from a work thing. Anyways, thing is it was so undramatic, so casual...my relapse that is. I was just sitting on my couch watching a show when a character kind of started turning me on. The episode ended, I grabbed my phone and started watching pictures. Masturbated. It was so meh. Even during the act I wasn’t really that into it. Afterwards I felt like there was 2 paths I could take: I could be mad at myself and dwell in self hate or I could say “well that was stupid” and move on. I think I chose the later. I’m not that angry at myself, just like a little disappointed.

But I am also extremely proud. 130 days is longer than I could have ever dreamt of when I started. I remember hitting 1 month and being amazed. I feel like I have accomplished something really strong after all. And now I’m going to do it again!

2 closing thoughts:

1: I listen to erotic stuff and read erotic novels and such. I feel like it is a good and more healthy alternative to porn. What do y’all think? 🤔 💭

2: The relapse I just had right now was me watching pictures, so instead of just resetting my app day-counter, I divided it into two sections: pictures (this is my first day) and Videos (this is my 131th day).

Reminder! Don’t browse r/all! Did that a couple of times and definitely saw some pornographic pictures that way.

Good luck to you. And good luck to me.