So, here I am again. 2 months now.

Things have slowly become better with the wife. She's less nervous that I'll relapse now and it's starting to trust me again.

As for myself I won't say that the last month has been easy but it's not been all that hard either. I guess it comes down to really deciding. I do not want this, end of story.

Last time I wrote here I had some paradoxical thoughts on how I could look at women, those have mostly fine away. I look. Obviously not staring or anything creepy. Those women are real. I do remind myself that they are more than their bodies so I don't objectify them.

On the advice of my therapist and my wife I have not stopped masturbating. I need to break the connection between porn and masturbation. That said, in 60 days it's been 3 times. It's also becoming much better and it's also guilt free now. I really try to make it "making love with myself" rather than the old way of basically beating it up. No fantasy, I focus on the sensations.

One thing that has helped me when I have an urge is, first and foremost, to not discuss with the urge, it's just NO! And no more will be said. Second to imagine the urge like a speed dial on a car. The urge goes up, and up and up and then it levels out and starts decreasing. The urge does not become infinite. Third of an urge comes and it's hard to shake I tell myself that I will do thing x for att least 10-15 minutes before I even think of relapsing. I never come to the end of those minutes as the urge will have gone away or lessened.

I'll see you in another month at 90 days.