When I was a little kid I remember getting upset at my family members for teasing me, but I could never tell them it upset me. It was critical teasing from my mom and sister mostly, my dad never really intervened. They would make fun of me for being interested in girls at school, rarely would I get support from my dad. I am also criticized heavily by them, they make me second guess most things I do.

Because of this stuff I was glued to my ipad with my headphones on for the majority of my time at home and thats where I discovered porn, it became my escape. It was a way to escape my feelings of self-hatred and the exhausting criticism my mom and sister put me through.

I struggle with self image and poor self esteem now and I can never see anyone ever liking me enough to be in a relationship with me. I'm genuinely afraid to go outside in nice clothes. I'm on edge all the time due to my anxiety. I'm a chronic people pleaser and am constantly looking for validation. I'm on day 3 of my recovery but I just wish a girl or just someone could come into my life and just genuinely like me for me and think something I do is cool for once. Its like I'm a fucking the bottomfeeder of life. I need help.