(Apparently this wasn’t considered an unpopular opinion in the other subreddit. Someone posted a post saying the opposite of this which apparently was. Let’s see if this is a popular opinion.) (Posted this in another subreddit before I could finally remember the name of this reddit.)

It’s actually a shame that this is considered an unpopular opinion but “preferences” on dating/hookup apps are really just a form of prejudice. Now I want to start by breaking down what some of these words actually mean. Prejudice is any preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience. Preference in this context is a choosing or special liking for one person over another.

Prejudice is what I believe is the root behind all sexual and relationship preferences that is seen online. Most people believe it’s simply just a preference, comparing it to having an attraction to certain hair and eye colors, gender, or even weight. Almost as if the whole concept is biological in nature. The fact is their “preferences” are rooted in prejudice usually a result of their upbringing and environment.

I’m not saying they were raised among people who were openly racists and believe in the separation of races but in things more subtle than that. It can be influenced by how movies, television, and the media have portrayed different skin colors or the one bad experience they encountered with a different race. It can also be that they grew up in a community of people that looked just like them, with people dating and marrying people with the same appearance and so they sub-consciously began to believe that its better to be with you own kind.

This is the primary reason why I think so many people feel the need to defend their “preferences” because they’re usually seen a racist, which has become a taboo thing to be called these days. No one ever seems themselves as a villain. No one ever wants to be seen as a bad guy. So its understandable that having a “preference” these days is considered something to be defended. They want to be seen as humans like everyone else with normal feelings and belief. While there is undoubtedly people out there with genuine racist reasons for not dating outside their race, I feel that the vast majority of people with these types of “preferences” are actually more rooted in the prejudice of their upbringing than actual racism.

Racism is prejudice or discrimination directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior. Based on this definition I feel most with “preferences” are not racist in the traditional sense. They do not see their own race as superior but familiar. Many of them have friends of different races but being raised in a community of people that look like them have led them to prefer the company of their own kind simply because that is normal and familiar.

Now I do not have a problem with you having a “preference” for one thing that would make me a hypocrite. I’m a Black male living in the United States and for the most part I’m attracted to white guys. Personally I feel embarassed for having this specific “preference” because like some of you I feel the pressure of my community. That I should be attracted to the familiar and normal. I also feel ashamed because my “preference” prevents me from embracing a wide variety of people, that I’m not as “woke” as I want to be.

What I do have a problem with is when people post their racial “preferences” on their profile. It’s not necessary. Almost as if being messaged by someone who doesn’t fit you’re standard of what’s attractive will taint you in some way. I’m always happy to talk to people, even if they’re not the type I’m looking for. All I know is that when people like me see the “no blacks” or whatever you are on the screen it hurts us. My initial reaction to seeing it regardless of how nice they went about writing it is shock, then hurt and anger followed by me blocking them so the words won’t cross my view again. Sure I should grow a thicker skin but that’s like telling someone in the 1950s seeing a “No Blacks” sign to get over it. The pain is still there regardless.

Ironically, those who have these “preferences” have still got offended when someone excluded them in the same way. I suppose because they’re experiencing the same feelings for the first time. This was found in an article that polled people on their preferences which I need to go back and find. 

I’m also guilty of doing this a few times, especially on the subreddits here on reddit. Having “preferences” seems to be encouraged and I got caught up in it at the time. I’ve even left my posts up for people to see. I pretty much posted them based on how I’ve seen white guys message me which brings me to another thing I wanted to discuss : fetishes.

A fetish is a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular part of the body. One of the most common messages I receive is BBC (big black cock), usually by white men but other races as well. I know from the point of view of others I should be grateful because these guys actually like me for my skin color as opposed to those who do not but in reality they’re interested in that one body part every seems to believe is abnormally large in all black men. However long-term most of these types prefer Black men for sex only but nothing serious like dating. They’re almost objects just to be used and thrown away.

On reddit recently I’ve put up posts, wanting to meet up with white men and even put up BWC (big white cock) thinking if it’s worked for so many white guys why not me? Similar to those with preferences who get offended when others have preferences against them I believe some were offended because a few of the posts were definitely downvoted. I leave them up to show that while I’m ashamed of acting like the people I’m talking about I won’t hide it away and pretend to be a perfect person. I figured this post could better reach people if I was coming from both viewpoints.

I know I have a “preference” for white guys but I’m not going to exclude everyone else. While I’m not trying to tell people to go out and have sex with someone you’re not attracted to I will say to at least try talking to them. Even if you’re not willing to meet in person if someone that is not your racial preference messages you respond back. You might be surprised what you find.