I live with my partner Jason (5 years). I am dating my partner Lake (3 yrs). Lake lives with and is married to their partner Wifey (9 yrs).

Recently I have been having alot of insecurities around marriage and the privileges it brings the relationship Wifey has with Lake. They got married before they became polyam. They are out as polyam to the people that matter in their life. Tho not their extended conservative family.

Personally I don't know how I comfortable I am with marriage for myself as I mostly view it as a legal entanglement. This comment sums up how I feel reasonably accurately tho it is not mine.

I struggle with the idea if they got hurt I wouldn't be allowed at the hospital. I struggle with the fact the disparity that comes (socially and legally) between my relationship with Lake and Wifeys. In so many ways this legal distinction does not matter but it's been weighing on me lately. Sometimes the distinction makes me feel secondary even though we do not practice Hierarchy explicitly.

Seperate from marriage but associated with it I struggle with the fact that many of the things that come with marriage are not things I feel welcome to. (Ex: certain holiday celebrations, family events, living together, etc)

I worry about broaching this conversation because although we are in a very serious and committed relationship, I am not entirely sure on how to voice my own feelings on marriage and I don't want to be miss understood. I also don't want to push for more than I actually want as I am not sure what it is I want other than to feel more "equal".

What does marriage mean in your poly families? Is this a disparity you feel? If you chose to bridge this disparity, how did you do that? If you did not, why did you decide not to and how does it effect your relationships?