An analogy / metaphor I’ve come up with to describe my feelings (mono) about relationships, that I finally volcalized to my poly-curious wife last night. Curious if anyone has anything to add or similar metaphors.

If a relationship is a room, monogamy is a bedroom with one doorway, and polyamory is a living room with numerous entrances (or possibly no walls or doors at all). Committed, loving, supportive and honest monogamy is being in a room with someone and both agreeing on having the door closed. People who only want monogamy are like people who need the door closed to be comfortable enough to sleep. People who “can handle” or “can imagine liking poly” are okay with the door open, but if they are committed to their monogamous partner, they are happy to have the door closed too. Polybombing is telling your partner you want to sleep in the living room, where more people can come and go and join the cuddle pile. To a monogamous person, they will never be able to sleep (be comfortable) with moving to the living room. Polybombing is also opening the door. Even if the poly-curious partner reassures the monogamous partner “I haven’t left the room yet, I’m still here with you,” (“but I still might want to talk about polyamory”)the mono person is now hyper aware of the door being open, and now can’t be comfortable enough to sleep well. In this metaphor, affairs are partners leaving the room unilaterally. If a partner does a “poly bomb,” and then starts an emotional affair, that partner is standing at the doorway with one foot in the hallway. If relationship comfort is sleep, then awakeness is pain/trauma/uncertainty/insecurity/betrayal. … sorry that dragged on. My wife opened the door and briefly put her food in the hallway. She’s still in the room with me, but she can’t say for sure which room she wants to be in for the rest of her life. She wants me to be okay with that right now, but I can’t sleep so well with the door open…

Edit: One issue I’m having is dwelling on painful words from a few months ago and not some of the reconciliatory words from more recent weeks. My wife backed off “wanting to still be able to talk about polyamory,” she knows I’m not budging about monogamy. It’s been helpful to vent here on Reddit, but it has also encouraged me to see the glass as half empty not half full.