Ever since I was a kid I knew deep down that I was attracted to other girls- but I was terrified at the thought of being gay, so I pushed those feelings away. I grew up in a very liberal household, but I was sure that if I grew up to be a lesbian I would have an even harder time fitting in with my peers than I already did. Then in high school I fell hard for a friend of a friend- a girl who went to a different school. We started talking and then dating, mostly in secret. After a little while she decided to come out to her friends by bringing me as her date to a group event. She lost quite a few friends (good riddance), but I wasn't ready to face my own fears and accept that I wasn't straight yet, so I broke things off. I know I hurt her a lot by doing that, and I hurt myself a lot too.

Now, at age 26, I am out as bisexual and not afraid to vocalize my bi pride. But when it comes to actual intimacy with women, I still face an internal struggle. I always get extremely nervous and fearful when a girl reciprocates my interest in her- part of me is terrified that I will let her down just as I did my first girlfriend, because I am so much less experienced with queer feelings and relationships. I have no idea where it comes from, but I still feel a little bit ashamed of my queerness deep down.

I'm about to go on a second (virtual) date with a girl that I really like, but I'm still fighting off the impulse to pull away despite my undeniable feelings for her. Has anyone else struggled with accepting their sexual orientation? How did you overcome your fears and/or internalized shame to actually form meaningful relationships?