I went out with my partner and her other partner. It was all ok except I noticed the way she looked at him and the way she cuddled up to him.

The next day she asked if it had all been fine. We always tell each other the truth. I said it had been except I’d felt some fear of losing her when I saw her look at him sometimes or be cuddled up to him, that she might not want me anymore. I had said I know they are natural feeling and I was managing them. It was all a civil conversation.

She had said that she’s different with him to how she is with me and she can see how I’d feel. She said she gets different things from the both of us and she loves us both. Then she said I’m her stability and her closest person and that others may come and go but she’ll keep me as long as I’ll have her. I asked her if she meant as a friend or romantically and she said both.

So I think I understand the love she has for me, it’s like I have for her, it’s not dramatic ups and downs; it’s a feeling of being together. I have this feeling however that I’m not sure of. I’m trying to process it. I’m the only woman she has ever been with and she says she doesn’t ever want to be with another. I’m thinking what I’m seeing is how she is being with a man. We also have different dynamics - she likes to tease me and be bratty with me, whereas with him she is sweet and does as she’s told. I think the feeling I have is that she doesn’t love me too much, that she loves him more. It’s like I have this fight going on in my head because the other part of me is saying that she’s told me she loves me and wants to be with me until I don’t want her anymore. I also know that we love in different ways and she has said that she likes us for different reasons. I know she loves the taking chunks out of each other fun we have and the fact I’m always there for her and care for her. I don’t know how to get it in my head that she does love me as much as him though? I just want to accept it but I don’t know how to.