I need advice on what to do about the situation I have found myself in, I love two women and have to choose between them. How do I go about this? Who do I choose?

Context is needed here for sure, I have been dating my partner (F20 we’ll call her Birch) and we discussed going into polyamory. When we opened up to trying that she seemed on board and willing and eventually we met (F22 well call her Aspen) and started a relationship. It was very bumpy and had some break ups and get back togethers.

So I was hesitant at first about allowing myself to be my normal self in the newly formed poly relationship and I had Birch tell me she wanted me to allow myself to be my normal lovey and happy self with another woman. So I started allowing myself to do that and I ended up with a connection I don’t want to lose. So the main thing that caused the break ups was Birch was putting up way too many restrictions and making Aspen start to feel like she couldn’t just be herself and that drove a huge stake in the relationship between the two; causing a split up. Fast forward a little while and then Birch decided that monogamous was better for her. We decided to take a break because me and her were fighting for a long time in our own relationship because our wants became too difficult and different. I’m hurting that she isn’t around me but I couldn’t do the fighting and that caused me to have issues with our relationship because it was really bad arguments.

Now I have taken that space Birch has told me that she only agreed to doing this because she thought I’d leave her and she promised me that she wanted to do this multiple times. So that’s caused me a huge amount of worries and pain, and I do love her but it definitely hurt the relationship. I want to be with both of them and when I finally got it through to her she wanted to start making a change to allow me to be poly and her not (Mono poly dynamic I suppose) but now Aspen doesn’t want to have anything to do with Birch because of what’s been said to me about this and how she’s been partially manipulating me and my feelings about everything as well as just everything that has happened up to this point as well. So I sit here with a decision between two great women and both have their positives and negatives.

I love Birch and I want to be with her but she has a lot of problems with helping me around the house or helping me work on myself to make me better. She has some issues with wanting to get her life together and doesn’t seem to have any goals besides being with me.

Aspen is another story because I love her too and she’s like the opposite of Birch. She has motivation, she helps me work on myself, she has dreams that are including me but still without me.

I don’t know who to chose between, or if I should just remain single and be me for a long while because this all hurts so much because I’ve told them both I’d hate to lose either of them. Advice would be much appreciated and I’ll answer and questions or need for context more