I hope you guys don’t mind a re-post from elsewhere.

I’ve been researching ENM and my husband and I are discussing it. The reasons I need advice are twofold: first, it’s for questionable reasons and second, I’m not sure how far I’d want to go with it. I’m pretty sure just reason one alone might garner some “hell no’s” from you but I’d really like input.

The background that coincides with the reasons:

1) HIM: my husband has been in SAA and SLAA for a year. He’s controlled the sexual compulsion fairly well but not the limerence seeking. He will probably always have crushes that go too far. He’s also recently diagnosed Bipolar 1. The reality of life with him is that this likely won’t ever stop but if we could make it transparent, boundaried, and fair, I’d be more accepting. I want him to be happy and while it hurts that I drop intensely in priority during these, they do make him happy. Perhaps with reciprocity, it would fell less personal.

2) ME: i’m actually pretty naturally monogamous (though respect poly, just haven’t ever considered it before) but it’s really more that I match and multiply energy. I’d really like to be able to just flirt and enjoy developing relationships with others instead of focusing my energy on safety in marriage and maybe if some of these emotional needs were met elsewhere we could just enjoy the fantastic camaraderie and love we do have without the expectations for more. I don’t even know that either of us necessarily need additional sex partners, but I do like the idea of something, even that since I have a high drive not always met by the sexual anorexia cycles of an addict.

This is my second marriage and in both I’ve put so much energy in and I’m just kind of tired of not getting much back. It’s his too and these behaviors have always been there. I would like to figure out how to make it manageable, is polyamory a route for that?