Hi!

So a bit of backstory to my enm/poly journey so you can understand the emotional rollercoaster!

In August me and husband went to a swinging club. We had a great time, no regrets, it was a very good experience. Then he suggested I find myself a woman to explore my bi side with. I got on some apps and after a few weeks found a lovely woman who was pretty local. We met up, had alot of chemistry, made out (alot) on the first date then had sex on the second. Unfortunately after the third date she ended things. I was deep in the throes of NRE and was pretty heartbroken.

But I got over her and very quickly made a connection on the app with another woman. I really like her. We met up after about a month (she's demi) and had a great first date. Unfortunately her dad was taken ill only days after our first date and after a couple of weeks they found out he has cancer. Totally reasonably and understandably she has pulled away and isn't in a headspace where she can really talk. I THINK she will reconnect at some point - she said she needed some processing time and made it sound like she would be back in touch when she could. It's been a couple of weeks since we've chatted properly. Obviously there is no deadline to when she'll want to reconnect - it's simply when she's ready.

But, and I feel pathetic, I am really struggling. And I can't even rationalise why. I miss talking to her, I miss the excitement of planning a next date and I'm worried she won't ever get back in touch. Obviously I haven't and will not communicate any of this to her. And I realise my feelings are selfish and self pitying and she is going through something far worse.

I feel very anxious and sad, bordering on depressed. Plus am super fatigued and just feel totally emotionally spent.

There is also a health issue that is adding to all this (especially the fatigue), plus the fact that I've had to give up my PhD in the last couple of weeks - it is all being sorted currently so very raw and emotional.

So - the heartache, missing my current relationship(ish), the health issues, the PhD issues.....it's all just built up and I'm struggling to cope.

Any advice or do I just have to ride out the storm?! Thanks for reading!