My girlfriend (23F) and I(29M) practice polyamory. A couple days ago we were out on a date and I found out that during our date she was messaging back and forth with another person planning a hookup.

I got very mad about this. My thought was that it is disrespectful to me for her to be arranging her hookups while on a date with me. When she and I are on a date with each other the our only focus should be on each other. I don’t message other partners/potential partners while I’m on a date with her out of respect for her. I was expecting that she show me the same respect.

Really all she did was send like read 3-4 messages and send 3-4 messages back working out logistics to meet up with this person. I didn’t even notice she was doing it during the date until she told me about it later. Obviously she didn’t think there was anything wrong with it because she did it and even told me about it later.

I got really mad and we got in a big fight about it. Am I overreacting? Am I making a big deal out of something small? I don’t have a problem with her hooking up with this other person. I just felt really disrespected that she was taking her focus away from our date to plan this other hookup. Would anyone else be mad if their partner did this? Would anyone be okay with their partner doing this?

I know all relationships are different and have different boundaries. Prior to this we didn’t outline a specific boundary for this because I thought it was just basic respect for your partner that everyone followed. We do now have a specific boundary about not messaging other partners while on a date with each other.