Ironic thing is I wouldn’t even say it was being poly that damaged our marriage like I feared.

My wife (29f) over the last year has lied multiple times about her intentions, feelings, plans, has cheated once (we agreed to take a break from poly while working on us, she ended things with her bf and then continued to talk to him behind my back telling each other they love each other etc.

The final straw, after I had a weekend with my gf. My wife has repeatedly gone through my phone in the past even though we have an open phone policy, and seen that my gf had told me she loved me. I did not hide this from my wife as before the weekend we agreed that if anything like “I love you” happened we would talk about it, but on my terms. It wasn’t even 24 hours, she didn’t ask me about the weekend or anything, just went right to the phone.

After she read that she decided to wake me up at 4 in the morning screaming her lungs out. To make a longer story short, she was projecting her past faults and deception onto me. I tried to leave the house to go to work early but she wouldn’t let me, kept screaming and pushing me back. She woke up our kids and they witnessed everything she did as they stood there confused and scared. I tried telling her to stop for our boys sake, not to put them what we’ve both separately went through in our childhoods. It took me to threaten to leave with them to get her to finally stop. After 10 years of being married I seen a side of her I can’t unsee.

It’s been a couple weeks since, we talked about it and she said she was sorry and it won’t happen again. But after everything that happened in the last month I just can’t get myself to trust her anymore. I fell out of love but to be honest I don’t know how to go about it.

I know this sub is for advice, I’m not really looking for any. Just wanted to vent and let people getting into this to know that communication is so important (clearly). Anyway, thank you for reading!