I am 30f and my partner is 38f. Been together for 3 years. At the beginning of our relationship, I expressed clearly that I was non-monog. She had no issues with it and also said that she feels the same way. We got together and were able to have dates with other people. She always seemed not as interested as I was though and didn't go out of her way to see anyone else.

We went through a rough patch where through a communication breakdown and resentment, she lost trust in me. I decided to close the relationship and be exclusive until she regained trust.

Now that we are in a somewhat 'good' place, I said I wanted to explore ENM and that is a big part of who I am and I have grown resentful that I have had to close off this part of myself. I feel uncomfortable because she has no desire to be ENM and that she says she loves me and does not have the time or energy to pursue anything else...but I do. She doesn't explicitly say 'no' but she isn't encouraging.

I am considering breaking up with her because of this. It seems we have different values, wants and needs. But I want to give it one last shot.

I have a lot of anxiety surrounding this considering when we weren't good, she thought I was cheating and lying all the time (I wasn't). And I went through quite a bit of emotional abuse and manipulation.

I want to sleep with men. I want to go on dates. I want to go to sex parties. I want to have all these experiences but I am anxious. Denying a part of who I am is destroying me. What can I do?