(Uncertein if this is advice on how to feel or of its venting, or needing support, Administrative feel free to redirect this statement to proper categories) I'm feeling very uncertain and I am very ethically driven so I want to know from other poly people is my feelings fair, am I being manipulated again or am i truly in the wrong.( I have a long habit of being manipulated by those I love). So for me polyamory is a partnership of more then 2 people who love each other equally, date each other and are like a family. We decide rules together, we look out for each other, go on dates together, and we are open, honest and loyal to each other. We plan events if we intend to have sex with others or dates and those we date must be aware we're poly and at least be amicable and accepting they are going to have to communicate with their partners,partners. Anyway now on to what happened. When I first met my bf, my husband and bf and I sat down and made rules, we even discussed adding of partners, which we agreed to close it to just the 3 of us, so my husband introduced my bf to a friend of his, and bf gets smitten, we agree to letting them meet. A week later they go on a date, telling me after, then bf tells me he intends to have sex with him, tells me I don't have a choice if I love him I will let him have this relationship because I can't give him the sex he wants with him. After hours of begging, crying and pleading. I finally realized he's not to change his decision, so I say fine, go ahead have sex with him....just do not date him.. not even 6 hours later after he's home he tells me their dating and he doesn't want ant part of us, he just wants my bf, so of course i break down crying, I beg and plead again for him not to accept, to follow the rules we have in place. He doesn't listen. So I give in again saying I don't care anymore just dint talk to me about him since neither of you want your other partners involved. Today i get into an argument with bf because he brings up his partner that wants no part of me demanding I stop getting upset, and hurt about them. And I need to stop getting in the way. My own view on it though is I feel depressed and jealous and hurt because to me when we agree it's all together. But he allows it to be different. It's no different then cheating. He gave permission to open the poly because of this, after I broke down crying again for hours..and despite his relationship with the other person I'm not allowed in. He wants involved in mine. Another reason this hurts me so much is my bf is a little, I was almost a dad, my ex fiance who was pregnant with my kids died before they were born, so being called daddy to me is special, when we first got in the relationship he made a comment about how i could be his daddy, and then a few days later said he didnt want to date his daddy, which to me made sense to an extent. Well now his bf that wants no part of us is Daddy, and he makes points to flaunt it off in front of me, reminding me what i lost and dont have. For me it's something i could accept had he not been dating hie daddy. I was ok with him having a daddy outside of his partner with me, because I knew he wasn't going to be dating his daddy, and now that's gone. Am I in the wrong for feeling so hurt, angry and depressed when he doesn't respect me enough to not tell me about his relationship with the person I see as cheating on me with and is it rude of me to not want to hear about it, talk about it or know about it?