Please be kind - this is a sensitive topic for me right now.

My partner and I have been together for almost 4 years, and we have finally decided to explore opening the relationship. I had a friendship that blossomed into a trusting (and healing) dynamic that is full of love and new experiences. My partner has had a hard time finding what is out there for them, and has even more difficulty with comparing themselves to me in more ways than one.

For some background, we moved across the country together, and even though we made the decision together, they frequently allude to the decision being mine alone. Since we moved, they have become increasingly codependent and I have done as much as I can to dismantle that within our relationship, but it is hard when they are unwilling to do the work.

I am trying really hard to not make any irrational decisions, especially in the height of NRE, but I am contemplating ending my long-term relationship. This, in my head, has nearly nothing to do with my new dynamic, but rather has to do with my satisfaction in the relationship overall. When I started dating my friend, they screamed at me through tears that I was only trying to find another broken person to "fix", that I am self-centered and selfish, and that I am throwing them away like trash. I have worked really hard to meet them where they are and provide reassurance and positive experiences because we are both traumatized, but I feel like doing this for them has traumatized me.

So I guess I don't know what I should do. I have been discontent for a while, around a year, and regardless of this new dynamic/relationship, I feel like I would have reached this point. I am planning to move across the country again for school, and now is the ideal time to figure out exactly how that is going to look. We have been through a lot together, but they do not seem to be making any moves to heal what is within them that is causing a lot of this turmoil. I am afraid that I am enabling this for them by staying.

TIA.