Hello. My wife and I have been polyamorous for about a year. I’ve had lots of partners between polyamory, one night stands, swingers clubs and FWBs. I have fulfilling, healthy relationships (sexually and otherwise) with my wife and LDR girlfriend. Up to this point I have used condoms for intercourse with everyone but my wife and girlfriend. I test quarterly, I’m on PrEP, and my wife and I have the HPV vaccine.

I have a new partner. Wasn’t even necessarily looking for someone consistent. But we just clicked. Strong NRE. And crazy sexual chemistry. Like no one I’ve ever been with before. We just desperately want each other. All the time. I’m seeing her 1-2 nights per week. It’s fun, and healing in some ways. My wife and I struggled with sex early in our marriage, and those struggles still have echoes in our interactions today, despite all of the work we’ve both done. As I said above, we have a great sexual relationship. But it has taken a lot of work to get there. And it has been SO wonderful to be in a relationship where I feel so desired and sex is just easy.

Here’s my dilemma. I don’t want to use condoms with my new partner anymore. She feels the same way but isn’t pushing. And my wife isn’t okay with condomless sex with me if I’m having it with my new partner. I’m not sure my new partner’s risk profile differs from my girlfriend’s much, but that’s the line my wife is drawing. And I do very much believe it’s a sexual health thing and not a cover for something else.

I’m considering telling my wife I’m planning to forego condoms with my new partner. I don’t think my girlfriend will have an issue with it. But that will mean my wife and I use condoms (if she sticks to her boundary). Is that crazy? I’m not trying to leave my wife or anything like that. I’m quite sure enamored with my new partner but not looking to change anything but this. (Partner is poly too, with other partners and not interested in escalating commitment. I’m on the same page.) But this feels like a deescalation of sorts with my wife. Is that a crazy thing to do during NRE?

I don’t think my wife will get upset, but she will be disappointed. And she might change her mind (without me pushing) given the reality of me being her only local partner and her not liking condoms. But I kind of want to do this. I’ve been thinking about it for several weeks. Is this a reasonable choice for me to make?