I'm having a bit of a struggle and could use some advice and support.

I'm 44 (M) with a soft diagnosis for ASD (I've posted before about said condition). I feel like there are a lot of my responses, reactions, et al. have been making my partner annoyed or hurt by me lately. Some of this I know is just internalized insecurity and anxiety around my ASD, but I also feel like some of it affects they're ability to connect with me and find me enjoyable to be around.

Recently I suggested that we de-escalate because I feel like I have some things I want to work on, and I don't feel like it's fair to them to have to manage me while I do that. We are nesting, and we both love each other a lot, so I'm curious what might be best in ways to approach that discussion (it's preliminary and both of got a little upset during the initial convo) in order to respect one another's boundaries. They believe I want to break up, but I'm having a hard time explaining that isn't what I want -- even though I've specifically said that isn't what I want.

I don't have any good non-mono friends, so I'm resorting to this just to see what kind of guidance I might find.