My (51m) girlfriend (22f) and I have been dating for about 5 months. We’re both poly and we’ve had a quite an exciting ride, traveling and enjoying a lot of time together.

I’ve maintained other relationships, but ours has definitely evolved into a more of a primary or nesting situation over the summer. She was between jobs, and I work from home so we have spent the entire summer together.

Recently she began communicating with her husband(29m), after almost a year of being separated. She’s confessed that she still has strong feelings for him, but I also just spent the last several months hearing about how he cheated, was emotionally/financially controlling of her and eventually abandoned her. He has a history of mental issues and has moved to the other side of the country.

My instincts have been to disengage and give her the space she clearly needs, but we’re still spending about the same amount of time together and with our friends and families. We’ve continued to be intimate although she’s stated that if she returned to her husband we would go back to being friends.

I just don’t know how to express my displeasure about the multiple red flags without looking like the villain here.

We’ve always agreed that at some point our age gap would become absurd. We were friends for several months before dating and we did have a lot of mentor/student energy before becoming intimate. We told each other we’d remain friends regardless of the outcome of our intimate relationship, but I feel like that is at risk if she returns to this marriage.

Thanks for listening, I feel pretty helpless right now.