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baby poly / confused
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Hi!

I posted something on r/polyamory yesterday about my situation but I’m not sure I really got to the point and I still feel kind of crazy.

I’m super young (21/f) and I’ve been doing poly for a little over a year now. Most of my poly experience was in a relationship with one dude (24/m) in which there was some one night stands on his end / small flings on both sides / but mostly we were relatively exclusive.

I really like poly in a conceptual way but I’m not sure I have very much experience with it and I just feel kind of lost in how to do this at the moment. I really dislike using dating apps, and the relationships I’m developing in my real life are usually unfulfilling: - extremely limerent relationship with someone I think I just idealize because I have an intense crush & I look up to them - casual relationship in which there is a lack of communication about expectations / frequency / etc. and I see them extremely often due to outside obligations not relating to the relationship

Sometimes I feel like I use poly as an excuse to keep myself in relationship dynamics that are unhealthy, which sucks because I really feel like negotiating jealousy/boundaries in such an open way pushes me to be better and I enjoy the different framework it puts me in for a relationship.

Maybe this is just because of my lack of experience but I’m starting to feel like I’m not capable of having a healthy relationship. Like am I really craving validation this hard that this is all I can find? I don’t really put a lot of effort into seeking relationships but the only larger poly community I’m connected to had some DV issues in the past and I’m not super comfortable within that space. How do I find something that is actually fulfilling? People are already so hesitant towards poly relationships and I really think it helps me with how codependent I get, especially at the beginning.

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Posted
3 months ago