Little background on me: I was in my first non monogamous relationship about 4 years ago and it didn’t go well because neither of us knew what the hell we were doing, AND I remember writing in my journal “you didn’t ruin polyamory for me”, and still believe that. Then a year later I got into a monogamous relationship (when we started dating I told her my background and how I was open for monogamy or non monogamy but she only wanted monogamy) and it was pretty good for a while until about a year ago I started having really consuming thoughts about non monogamy. I told my partner about these thoughts and long story short we broke up over that plus other incompatibilities.

Present day me is having fun just getting to know other ENM/poly people. I’ve connected with a couple of people who also have a relationship anarchy lens and we see eye to eye on a lot of things.

My thing is, I am afraid that I will never have that deep connection with someone while practicing polyamory compared to monogamy. It’s also kind of annoying that most people on dating apps just say they are “poly and partnered” and sometimes even with the addition of “just looking for hook ups and fun dates”. I’m wishing there were more people who were actively looking for deep and genuine connection. I already feel defeated thinking about being someone’s secondary or tertiary partner. Or just not being a priority in someone’s life.

ALSO kind of off topic but how the hell do you distinguish platonic love from romantic love? Is it just the absence of a sexual component to the relationship? But I thought romance could exist without sex/physical intimacy? This has been on my mind a lot when trying to describe how much I love my friends and how sometimes the lines are blurred between friends and partners.

Would love to hear other people’s experiences / perspectives. Also want this to be a discussion as opposed to someone talking down to me / belittling me for my lack of experience ☺️ (it’s sad that I have to preface that)