I’m new to polyamory and have been dating my partner for about 10 months. He had a previous relationship with my meta that initially was monogamous. I just recently found out that the transition from monogomy to nm was traumatic for him, and it seems my meta was unethical during that time. It sounds like my meta had someone else lined up, stopped seeing my partner as much, etc. I have asked him to only tell me about escalation, descalation, or STI updates about my meta - I know that I am biased about my meta and don't want to hear anything else as I feel repulsed by them. I also fear that if I know more details, the reality of what was done will be worse than I am assuiming took place but also... what if I'm wrong.

I think that we made a mistake & I now know too much about their relationship but I also think it was important for me to know why my partner decided to pursue nm. I’m distressed because my partner is hurting, I’m disillusioned because I thought I was dating someone excited about ENM, and I feel uneasy about his tolerance of the situation as he is choosing to continue to date my meta. He thinks they will break up but hasn’t acted on it, which is his choice.

I don't know if I can handle dating someone that continues to engage in a relationship when it is toxic. We had a conversation about a week ago when I told my partner I was very distressed and did not know if I could handle this. I don't want to lose him and I also know I can't change anyone so I am feeling stuck. Is it best to remove myself from this situation or try to talk it out? Is this something I might be able to get over?

Meta = my partners partner ENM = ethical non monogamy