I think it’s finally time for us to have an important conversation about “What Now?” Since the night of the incident, I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my thoughts and feelings, and I really want to express what’s on my mind and hear your perspective as well. It’s important for me to understand where we stand and how we can move forward together. The first question I have been pondering has been, “Is this relationship worth it”? I read a post on Instagram last night and it read “ when do you let go? - when it feels heavy on your soul, when you feel more trapped then emancipated. When it tastes less sweet and more like poison. When you feel you are sinking then floating. When freedom becomes a battle. Open your heart to intuition, you’ll always know. When do you hold on? When hope exists. When it fills your lungs with air, no matter how deep the struggle. When joy overweighs the sadness. When flowers grow in hard spaces in your heart. If you don’t feel friction, it’s worth holding on to. If it flows it’s worth swimming.” Right now, I feel that hope. I feel joy when thinking about our relationship and the new opportunities that are going to arise. The hope of this relationship working out is what gets me out of bed and continue to put in the work I’ve been doing. I am determined to fight for our relationship. It means everything to me. I believe there is a possibility for us to rediscover love and rebuild trust in eachother. I have never felt such a deep love and passion for anyone else. I adore your caring heart, your empathy and the way you make me feel secure. I admire your intellect and how you challenge my thoughts and encourage me to think more deeply. Your voice has a calming effect on me in any situation. All I want is to be by your side, to listen to you, and to watch you. I want silly arguments, to share laughter, and to experience life with you. I am eager to explore your mind and body, discovering new treasures to cherish. In you, I have found everything I desire and more. I am willing to put in the work and change my habits and thought patterns to fight for you.I crave you, the adventures, the memories, the love we can share. I love you so much; you will always have such a large piece of my heart. With that in mind, I want to take a moment to express my needs and wants for our relationship moving forward. When I reflect on what I truly need, I look inward and consider who I am at my core. I see myself as artistic, empathetic, a caregiver, someone who believes in second chances, and full of creativity, intelligence, love, resilience, bravery, strength, and curiosity. I’m multifaceted, and it’s essential for me to be able to embrace and express these qualities fully. I need passion; I need to feel like I am being cherished and admired for expressing myself and letting you be a part of my self-discovery.
I need trust and honest communication; I need to come to you with information that is hard to share. I need to feel like you're not going behind my back and that you can tell me anything and everything ( within reason) and not feel like I have to find where the truth starts and ends. I need respect; as of right now, I don't feel like you respect me enough, and I need more from you. I need to feel like I can be taken seriously when it matters and that you can show your respect towards me and my wishes. I need emotional support; I have been asking a lot of you lately about this one, but this is genuinely such a critical need that I need to meet to figure out my thoughts and the changes I need to make. As I continue individuation, I need you to be there for me when I need to cry or simply need a hug. I’m not asking you to take on my struggles yourself but merely to hug me when I need it. I realize you aren't always there, but I ask you to show up when you are. I need physical touch; I feel that that one doesn't need an explanation, but it’s something I've been missing. I need appreciation and validation; I realize it’s been harder to look at me positively with everything that has been going on, but I need to feel like the work I’m putting in is enough. That the effort I show is being noticed. Lately, it has just been lacking, in my opinion. I need loyalty; I need you to show your loyalty to me and my wishes. Goes with the need for respect and trust. I need quality time & connection; I need this to feel like you want me. I must feel like you are still choosing and spending time with me. I need to feel like we still have this connection. I need growth and individuation; While I am working on myself and changing my thought patterns, I need you to do the same. I don't want to fall back into what we were; I want this to be an opportunity for us both to grow and for us both to experience the growth in our relationship. I want to move forward to better things constantly and constantly work on helping/ supporting one another. I want us both to grow into ourselves. I want to give each other the space and time to check in with ourselves, work on our struggles, and support one another through these trials. I need boundaries; Before I start listing my boundaries, I also need you to have clearly set boundaries. I need to know what you need so I can see how best to support you. I want us to be able to share these things freely and feel like we are being heard. Before I dive into my boundaries, I felt it was important to reflect on my values—what I stand for, what I believe in, and what I want to share with the world. I truly believe in the importance of vulnerability, dependability, intimacy, flexibility, respect, appreciation, patience, support, and equality. I feel that these values, combined with who I am as a person, are essential for shaping and nurturing our “new” relationship together. I would appreciate it if you could refrain from sharing details of your nights out unless I specifically ask about them. I want to be clear that I cannot stay in a situation where I'm being yelled at. I will do my best to avoid raising my voice as well, but if you continue to raise your voice to the point where it brings me to tears, I will have to walk away. I need to have curfews in place, as I'm not yet comfortable with sleepovers and would like to know when I can expect you home for my peace of mind. I also am expecting you to set similar expectations for me. I need to let you know that I can't listen to or hear jokes or songs from her. It's just something that makes me uncomfortable. I need to be clear that she cannot enter our home, and I believe it’s best if we don’t have any of our other partners over either. I want to express that I can't be expected to sleep by myself every night; I really value having company and support at night. I’d like for us to establish a cleaning schedule so we can bring some structure back into our home and make it feel more organized. As of right now those are my boundaries in our relationship.

I want you to know that everything I’m sharing comes from a place of love and a desire for us to grow and build a beautiful relationship together. This journey has been tough and filled with challenges, but I see every struggle as an opportunity for us to learn and improve together. I love you deeply and can't imagine a future without you, a future where we don't grow side by side. I want to rekindle our connection and embrace this new chapter of our lives together, hand in hand, supporting each other every step of the way.