I'm sure this has been asked a thousand times, and I’m sorry for that, but I need advice.

My partner of 3 years has told me he's poly-curious. He's had other relationships end because he's caught feelings for other people and it caused tension, leading to breakups. I have been monogamous all my life, but this has been the happiest relationship l've ever been in, and likewise for him. We've talked a lot about how we both feel and that there is a very real possibility that we might have to break up because we are different people. He has been thinking about this for years and has had time to process things, but it is very new to me. I have been doing a lot of research and understand that it is possible to relearn new relationship dynamics, and that monogamy is not the only option. And in theory I can be okay with it, but he’s already developed feelings for someone else and it has caused issues. We have been great at communicating and are working through them, but things have been difficult.

I'm starting therapy soon, and we've been looking into poly friendly couples counseling. We want to try and make it work, but I have fears and insecurities due to being cheated on in past relationships and abandonment issues from childhood. want to make an honest effort to try and change my mindset and cope with my fears, but I don't know if I can change. And if I can't I need to let him go so he can be happy exploring poly.

For anyone else who has been through this, did it work? Were you able to shift mindsets? Did you become poly? Are you in a mono-poly relationship? Or are we destined to break up and just be friends. Neither of us want that, but we agree we shouldn't have to make sacrifices just to stay together.

Please don’t be mean just because I’ve lived a monogamous lifestyle. Like I said I’ve done my fair share of research and I love him very much, I want to try and learn more about polyamory so we can stay together. But I also understand if I can’t open up my mind, that we are two different people who shouldn’t set ourselves on fire to keep the other warm. I want him to happy, but we want to be happy together also.