i (47F) am in an open marriage. a married ex-lover (48M) who i am really into, reinitiated contact. he told me his situation is non-traditional, while functioning in a conventional bourgeois family structure. we are long distance and we have mind blowing rough consensual sex where he is more in the dominating position.

Issue is, i am unable to decode if he is playing or dealing with some internal struggle at being non-monogamous, which he projects on me. i have explicitly told him that he needs to tell me if he is not interested - he says "i wouldn't be here if i didn't want this."

he asked me if sex was important for me, and i said yes, while also assuring him about the value of his friendship and presence in my life.

some examples: just before and after sex, he brings up the names of other women who idk if he is sleeping with, but i do know he has friendships or prior relationships with. my reading of this is he tries to make me jealous or he tries to project himself as desirable or some such.

he has told me not to be sexual in our chats, and i have respected that and stopped. he steers conversations into innuendo, and if i engage, he rejects my words. he rejects my gifts, little things like audiobooks or music albums. i give to all my friends, not just him and i've told him this.

when i try to talk to him about the imbalance in our communication, he says "i do what i want". i have also outright asked him if he was trying to fade me out, and he says no.

he asks me direct questions if i have other partners like him (i don't and said so). if i ask him the same, he says "i won't tell you."

is this some sort of power or humiliation game? could it be that he feels guilty about being in a relationship outside marriage and projects the guilt on me? could it be he is afraid of his emotions towards me?

Thanks for reading!

TL;DR: partner is sending very mixed signals. is it a game? or is he projecting internal strife?