I've never posted before here, so I'm unsure what to expect or what I take want other than explaining a bit of my polycules dynamic and getting some insights on how to be understanding to both my wife and her bf, while also getting my needs met.

My wife and I opened up our marriage a couple years ago, to try out making new friends/ friends with benefits and try group dynamics in the bedroom. We'd both had thoughts about such relationships and thought it would be good to try and branch out as we're both fairly antisocial, but realize that getting out there and meeting others that were less repressed and having different life experiences would be good for us.

We've had many bumps and unforseen complications, but overall I feel it's been a positive experience and I love my wife and I consider her bf to be a good friend at this point.

The biggest struggle I have is processing and communicating my emotions and feelings. I'm autistic and have adhd, as well as coming from a pretty dysfunctional family so my communication skills are awkward to say the least. As an example I had a lot of doubts/ paranoia about my standing in our polycule and it wasn't until I was told I was getting jealous that I even realized I was feeling jealousy. Like it didn't click on my head that that's what I was struggling with. But not knowing how to effectively communicate led to meltdowns and arguments from my end. Just one thing I've been trying to work on/ reflect so I can be better about it in the future. Having to interact with more than just my wife is teaching me a lot about myself and how I can be.

Anyway, a bit of a ramble, currently in an effort to avoid past communication issues, I'm just trying to figure out how best to voice my desires for one on one time with my wife when I feel I'm missing her, even though I know that he's having some relationship issues outside of our group, and my wife is understandably concerned for him. I don't want to diminish his situation or unintentionally cause my wife to feel like I'm saying she's neglecting me in any way. It's more just unfortunate timing.