Step One You need to understand that some people don't just want monogamy, the want a partner who also only wants monogamy. So the conversation itself can be a relationship ender. If this is a very long term relationship, that's a huge risk. If you just met, lay your cards on the table and if you haven't agreed to monogamy yet then DON'T.

Step Two Take stock of stuff. What happens if your partner freaks out? Are they in a vulnerable spot that might make them feel that they don't have the agency to say no? For example, are they pregnant? Unemployed and financially dependent on you? If there is a huge vulnerability, think about if this is the right time to ask for something that they may feel obligated to say yes to even if they don't want it. Are you incredibly vulnerable? Would a surprise break up or divorce really fuck your shit up? Well, keep that in mind as you move forward.

Step Three Reflect on what you already know about your partners values regarding sexual and romantic exclusivity. If they have strong moral or religious reservations, then that should give you pause. If you don't one, then pause and try to know your partner better before asking for a seismic change.

Step Four What do you want? Do you even know? Do you want threesomes? Swinging (aka partner swapping and foursomes)? Open for separate sexual flings? Open for full complete romance with others? While you need to discuss and decide together if you get to that point, you need to have some ideas of at least what you absolutely don't want. Can you discuss it in plain language without any jargon. Skip the jargon and speak plainly to make communication easier since this is all brand new to you both.

Step Five Does what you want sound fair? Do you expect to have sex with others, but forbid your partner from doing the same? Do you expect the freedom to have sex with an opposite sex partner, but forbid your partner from doing the same? Do you want this just to fulfill a specific fantasy you have, but it hasn't occured to you that your partner will have their own different fantasies that they may want as well? These kind of shitty offers may forever erode your partners ability to respect you or trust you. Some things can't be taken back. Tread lightly.

Step Six Do some research. Read this sub and the non-monogamy sub and the swinger sub. You'll find very different takes and cultures. In real life, there is often more overlap and gray areas between different flavors of ENM. But see if any of these cultures and philosophies resonate with you.

Step Seven Start the conversation. Maybe you are ready to take a direct approach and just ask your partner to read a book on ENM with you for discussion because you are curious. Maybe you ask them to visit a sex/lifestyle club to watch. Maybe you start way more subtle and find opportunities to ask them general questions about the values or fantasies to open the lines of conversation.

Step Eight Don't go to your partner with a super specific plan. This plan must be co-created. Do not ask to fuck or have a romantic relationship with someone you already know. Don't ask your partner for sex acts that are only in service of your kink if you aren't willing to also give them latitude for their desires that aren't in service of your kink.