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How common is it for a hinge to try to control how their partners communicate with each other, especially after they encouraged communication between them?
Hinge: I want you to consider "kitchen table poly" and casual communication with your meta.
Metas: (text each other, very friendly, are ok not going "kitchen table poly" but like what they have)
Also Hinge: No not like that! Stay away from each other unless it's going to be "kitchen table poly"! Don't talk about anything with each other!
It's confusing for me and seems not ok. But maybe I'm weird or just not understanding something that everybody else knows. How common is this mentality?
Edit: changed ktp to "kitchen table poly", not eliminating the term because that's what's been specifically used in this situation. I also think the Hinge may not understand what kitchen table poly is in comparison to their partners, both of whom have read all the same materials and talked at length.
Its common for people to try to control their partners, friends, parents, and workers. Its often dysfunctional, but we've all experienced in our families, work places, romantic relationships, and friendships. It happens.
The way to deal is strong boundaries. You don't have to be controlled. People will either back off or fuck off. Both are a positive outcome.
This is super helpful.
Way more helpful than "kitchen table"
Edit: changed ktp to "kitchen table poly", not eliminating the term because that's what's been specifically used in this situation.
Why not explain what "kitchen table poly" means to the folks in the story? If the people in the story dint even agree....how can we know what they mean by this term?? We don't. We don't know what it means to you or them.
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My suggestion...
"Hey, I appreciate you want to help. But, I assure, I know what I need to feel comfy and I ask for I need. Give me some space."
But it may to late for that. Let him know if you develop a friendship with anyone it will be 1 on 1 and entirely between you and friend. That means private conversations and independence. If he is ok with that, let him know you respect that by not pursuing friendship or additional contact with other partners.