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I'm (39F) poly curious and am dating someone (34 M) who is poly. He's been taking to someone else in the meantime and just met them last weekend. They want to start dating.
Is it normal for a hinge to say, if you get a weekend or date with me, she gets a weekend or date with me and you won't have the next weekend or date with me until she's had hers? And back and forth? I'm new, but this seems... extreme? Maybe fair but... not realistic. And also not very fair since we are much more established and emotionally connected? (He admitted as much, and it's obvious for now). I'm not saying don't give her a chance but... this seems weird. But if this is common practice I'd like to know...
Its weird.
Ultimately, he decides when and how much he is available to you. He can decide when he is free based...on anything he wants. Even if its dumb.. You decide if that works for you. People aren't commodities to be divided and its not about fair.
I'd personally invite him to do stuff when you are free and available and ignore this nonsense. He can say yes or no. If he is too hard to schedule with then he won't get much time with you.
To me, someone this hard to schedule with gets lowest priority for my time.
I think that's a valid approach. But put the work on him. And don't hold time for him if waffles. Just keep dating and making plans. This is his cluster fuck choice.
I … suspect your hinge is going to have a rude awakening about how to manage his schedule when Real Life Things enter the picture.
Yup. I'd let him do the work of sinking or swimming with this cluster fuck.
You really don't get agree or not agree honestly. He will manage his schedule however he decides. I wouldn't negotiate. Just ask him, "Hey, are you free next weekend? I'd like to see you"
If he can't or won't make plans. Make other plans.
What does not agreeing to this look like?
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Personally, I'd ignore this and let him figure it out. Invite him to do stuff on based on your availability and let him figure this nonsense out without your help. The problem will solve itself when he figures out its dumb or you never see each other.
Negotiations lend this dumb idea more legitimacy than it deserves.