Hello!

I wanted to get some logistic/planning/general advice.

I (36NB) am in my first poly relationship. My spouse (34 F) and I live together and things between us have been excellent! We talked about poly for a long time as she was discovering more about herself. She is not interested in dating and is ace, but the possibility if she desires is always open. This hasn’t been an issue at all, just some context.

My questions are about my boyfriend (38 M) who I have been seeing for about 6 months. His wife who he lives with does not drive, which isn’t a problem, except for when my boyfriend and I are making date plans. There have been a few times that he has had to shorten our dates to leave and give his wife rides. Tomorrow is one of those days. We were supposed to go on a little date on Friday, but he got caught in traffic and had to give his wife a ride to an event. So we rescheduled to Sunday. Now he has to give his wife a ride again, after only three hours of what I was expecting to be a whole evening.

We only see eachother once a week so I like to get good quality time in. It also doesn’t seem to me like too much to ask for either dates that happen on days his wife doesn’t need a ride, or for her to get a ride with a friend or ride share/public transit.

For tomorrow I offered to pay for her ride share which I’m worried was maybe a mistake. I don’t want that to become a pattern. He also said he will ask her if that’s ok… which feels off? I haven’t actually met my boyfriend’s wife yet either (he has met my spouse and it went great!).

Basically, I get that my boyfriend and his wife have this previous arrangement of him giving her rides, that is totally cool and their business. Is it wrong for me to ask that plans be made for our dates not to be interrupted? I share a car with my spouse and we just use ride shares or the bus if one of us has the car that day…

Any advice would be super appreciated!