TL;DR I'm going to see my new beau play a show on Saturday, his bandmates don't know that I'm poly (specifically married) and his ex is going to be there with their 5 year old twins, so I'm having a bit of anxiety about the whole thing (and my therapist is out of town this week, lol)

A few weeks ago I (39F) started talking to a lovely guy (38) and we're both positively smitten. Let's call him Zac (bonus points if you can figure out why I chose that pseudonym). He's not poly, however he's somewhat recently divorced and has 5 year old twins, so he's not really looking for his next wife, let alone something serious. He wants casual and consistent, which is exactly what I look for in potential partners these days. We're both pretty smitten though and talk on and off most of the day every day.

NGL, I was a little unsure about the divorced dad thing. I'm CFBC and honestly don't really like kids (except for my friend's 13 year old daughter who I've known since she was an infant- if I could be guaranteed a "Summer," I'd have a kid). He actually said the other day that he's talked to women who once he mentioned that he has kids, have replied, "Oh, I love kids!" and has encountered a lot of single career women who didn't have kids and now kind of want to slide into the step mommy role. He wants to keep that part of his life separate from his dating life and found it really refreshing that I told him I had no desire to meet his kids. I told him as long as he's able to make time to see me (which one of my beaus struggles with and it drives me crazy), that's all I really care about. Zac and his ex have a really solid schedule with the kids and it seems like she's not one to dump them on him unexpectedly.

So Zac plays drums in a band and he has a show on Saturday. He sent me a link to their Spotify when we first started talking and I actually really dug it, so I've been planning to go. There are two issues, though.

1. While Zac's told his bandmates about me ("Of course I did! I'm an oversharer!"), he didn't mention that I'm married. He said that 2 of his bandmates can be a little judgy, so he didn't want to open that can of worms right away. We talked about it the other night and he says he doesn't want me to lie about being married (I wear my wedding ring on a chain when I'm out with men who don't wear wedding rings because while I'm sure people don't notice, it just feels weird to me), but he didn't want to bring it up either because he's not sure how they'll react. Basically we decided if it comes up, it comes up. My spouse is obviously a huge part of my life. We moved down here recently for my spouse's job and we own a house we've been fixing up together, so I wouldn't be surprised if it came up. I'm not sure how they're going to react to it. I'm sure the only reason I care is my self esteem issues and need for people to like me.
2. Zac just mentioned that his ex is bringing the twins to the show as well. I'm glad he gave me the heads up pretty far in advance because I certainly didn't want to be blindsided. He knows I have no desire to meet them and I know he wants to keep that part of his life separate, but I'm sure we'll end up seeing each other there, even if we don't actually meet. I'm not even sure if he's going to mention to her that the lady he's been seeing is there or not. I told Zac to just go do what he needs to do with the ex and kids and come find me when he's done. I'm just worried the kids are going to see him talking to me as they're leaving or something. IDK why I'm worried about it because it seems unlikely that they'll notice because of their age (5), but still. I don't want them to be asking about "Daddy's friend with the purple hair." I can imagine if they saw him talking to me, they're going to be super curious because of my purple hair and maybe want to talk to me because of it. I don't have kids, so I don't know if they saw him talking to me, they'd be inquisitive about it or what. I've definitely been in public and heard younger kids say to their parents, "That lady has cool hair!"

Maybe I'm worrying over nothing. It'll probably be fine, but anxiety brain is getting a little panicky about it and my therapist is on vacation this week.