Good morning,

47M here, half of a swinger couple, married 27 years to my wonderful wife, best friend, and curvy hotness. We are located in the Tampa Bay region of Western Central Florida. We both grew up pretty religious and were each other's first sexually. We married at 21/23 and were the only people we had ever slept with until we started swinging 4 years ago.

Our swinger journey has been largely focused on FWB couples and looking for fun in an out of the bedroom. My wife and I have always had a mentor, big brother, mom and dad, close friend type role in a lot of people's lives (pre-swinging) and love to entertain. So it felt comfortable to us in swinging to grow to care about others. Not in a romantic or poly way but deeper than ONS and just casual sex.

This serves us well for the most part in our swinging experience. It wasn't for everyone but when you found a couple looking for the same, it felt so genuine and exactly what we wanted.

Recently, we started seeing a couple that just started swinging. The husband found us here on Reddit, he and I hit it off, and then we moved to group chats and added the ladies. Long story short (and yes it's very long), the other wife and I hit it off really well. Same humor, same comedic timing, both had a sincere compassionate side, same birth month and Zodiac sign, both bantered the same, and had very similar sexual energy. That all lead to some very active chatting and the first date had the most sexual tension I have ever experienced on a date ever.

Once the fun started, it was clear that this was different from any other swinger sex we had had before. And both my wife and her husband picked up on it. Matter of fact they spent more time watching us than doing something together. My wife later told me it was the hottest thing she had ever seen. Her husband agreed. It didn't quite hit me until the next day that what was developing was more than just swinging.

Over the course of that week, lots of late night talks, lots of mixed feelings, and lots of phone calls and texts, it was clear that the other wife and I had developed feelings for one another and the chemistry was through the roof. We all agreed we didn't want to change our situations and that this was poly territory. None of which any of us had a clue how to navigate. And thus started my research, reading, and poly adventure.

On a sad note, we never got to have a "what happens next" conversation. The other husband was not prepared for it and the idea of what it might entail hit him really hard. Especially being we were their first couple to swing with. What are the odds that you catch feelings with the first couple? They just disappeared a few days later. We never heard why (but can imagine) and never got to meet to discuss anything related to how we might work something out even if it just meant being friends with nothing physical. Either way, it was tough and felt like a terrible break up for a month or so.

On the other side, my wife was extremely supportive. She loves to share me, knows I care deeply for people, and that I have a lot of love to give. My wife has had a long running fantasy of me being with another woman. She often encourages me on business trips to find someone. I have had several long distance girlfriends that never met in real life. To-date, I have not slept with anyone without her present as it would require the right person for me to act on it (ie connection, chemistry, etc). So with that background and this new experience validating for us both that we were ready to further explore me playing solo, she encouraged me to continue the the journey with or without this other woman. We have had a ton of conversations about everything. It was like starting swinging over again but with way more on the line now given the complexity of loving two people and doing it well.

So here I am now signed up on Feeld, Boo, Reddit, and do some occasional solo speed dates on SDC. I think the ultimate scenario would be a wife from another swinger couple where we each have our primary partner and then someone to also love, have fun with, and date but I know that's not most swingers' focus or goal. So a likely long shot.

Just to restate what I am looking for: A second partner, who in a perfect situation had their own primary, that we could date, spend time together, grow to care and perhaps even love one another, have spicy fun, be friends with our spouses, and be in a LTR together.

So a few questions for the community:

• I am on Feeld, Boo, Reddit, and SDC, anywhere else I should be exploring?
• The couple in the story above just ghosted without ever explaining why it had to end so abruptly. I can only imagine based on what I was told before that, that he just couldn't work it out in his brain and be ok with it. I thought about sending them a letter after a little time to see if we could all still be friends. We really liked them and would be ok without the sex part if it helped him. I can behave and just engage the "good friends" side of the other wife and I's banter and humor. Is that too much though? It feels aggressive in a swinger world but in a poly/love world, if you really care about someone that much and know that she truly wanted it, what's that line between respect and fighting for something you love? I think I know the answer but maybe need to hear someone else say it.
• Anyone else found something like the desired situation I described above and have feedback on how that went for you?
• Also, my wife has elected to not pursue poly/solo dating at this time. She feels fulfilled in her and I's sex life and our swinging experience. Anyone else in a half-poly situation and have any pointers on navigating that well while maintaining connection with your OG parter? She is very independent and pretty simple as far as what it takes to make her happy.

Thank you for starting this community. The timing could not have been more perfect.

Edit: Some additional context around my wife and I's discussions regarding poly/solo dating.