This isn't so much a current want ad as me putting out what I think I might like in the future and just seeing if it might even be a possibility, if it's something others have going on or envision for yourselves.

I have this idea that I would be happy joining an already established large poly household where people have all sorts of different relationships with each other, and there is/may be varying levels of intimacy between each individual (and not just 1 on on 1, maybe there are group sleepovers and sexytimes too), but never any obligation.

I want to be a part of a family and support people and be supported. What I envision is something similar to the group dynamic in The Fifth Sacred Thing by Starhawk, where all the people who live in the household together are poly with each other, but also sort of have main partners, and also see people out of the house. And sometimes have group sexytimes. But ultimately are all supportive of each other through all life's changes.

I would like to live with people who are well-read and educated in- and/or outside of traditional educational institutions. I'm an academic myself with aspirations to become a professor and do a PhD after my master's degree. But I have a lot of challenges and I struggle with the world the way it is. I'd like to be with people who have empathy for themselves, each other, and all humans. Who are willing to listen in conflicts, but also have a practice of maintaining healthy boundaries. I strive for this myself and often do not meet it. I'd like to be a part of a group that supports each other in living these values, and is gentle with each other when we do not quite reach those aspirations. People who can take a 'broom and dustpan' approach to conflict - even if trying to address a conflict goes badly, we can clean it up and repair the relationship intentionally. I like connecting with the natural world - I'm an animist and a lapsed pagan (used to do full moon rituals and the like but not so much these days).

I got clear earlier this year that this group situation is what I'm interested in looking for (without urgency). I wanted to attend some poly conferences this year in hopes are heightening my chances of meeting people who live this lifestyle and are on the same wavelength. But then they all got cancelled because of COVID. That's OK, I'm not in a huge rush. I might be moving across the country in a year or two anyway and am not ready to settle down. I'm focusing on my academic work currently.

But I thought I'd put this out there just to see if anyone else is inspired by this vision. It would give me hope for finding a situation like this someday.

Comments on title: If it wasn't for the sub rules, it would read F/GQ/NB 4 RRR, as I'm female-bodied but feel myself to be genderqueer or nonbinary at least some of the time. It's complicated. Let's talk about it :). I put WestCoast/Online because covid makes meeting up difficult anyway, but I love to travel so if I really vibed with someone maybe we could meet up and go camping or something. Also like I said I might be moving sometime in the next few years anyway so picking a place to have my poly commune feels premature.

PS Just realized it might be good to mention something about sexuality. I describe myself as bi. I used to describe myself as heteroflexible, because I was often more attracted to male people. This still sort of holds true, but at the same time, I experience less sexual compatibility with men a lot of the time (i.e. not having compatible desires about what kind of sexytimes activities to do). This is all part of the reason I'm interested in a group household, where there's lot of different people who might be able to be compatible in different ways. Maybe two or three people all have the same kinks, while one of them and four others all like the same kinds of books. And then two of the last group and another person all really enjoy snuggling. There's just so many opportunities to meet people's needs in different ways in a group. However, I imagine that a group larger than 7 or 8 might be a bit overwhelming.