Nice to meet you, I’m Cause (internet alias of course), and I’m looking for a relationship with someone in specific. A particular personality type garnered by math and reason and deep, deep self-refelction. But, as all good stories begin, here’s a list of all the reasons you should stop reading, since this tale might not be for you.I’m a dad, a husband, and a writer, in that order. Still working on the last part, so I’m doing primary kid raising as a job for now. Hopefully, you’ll forgive me for my non-sequitors and tangential conversational style, since I’m rather a master of the abstract and thus tend to be a bit omni-directional at times. Not so much in the present, per se, as I am coming back from dimensions unknown and possibilities unrealistic. But that’s just the… let’s say right side of my dichotomy. 

My left side is more goal-oriented, driven to craft the future that is optimal for my own personal self-satisfaction. Obviously, I’ve kept that one at bay and trained it to be the focused hunter, Sagittarius, that it is now, even if it is a bit one-dimensional in it’s pursuits. 

At the end of the day, these are merely what exists within my internal monologue, since I’m the combination, and at times opposition, of these two things. A calm, caring soul that seeks the betterment of those close and a general intent on making the world a better place for all those that align with my goal (which can be summed up by the aforementioned making the world a better place. I know, kind of cyclical logic, but everyone has their secrets.)

I’ve lived a life where I’ve put others before myself, strove to do what I can when I can, and seek out the inherent flaw in all things human. So here I am, relatively perfected to the point one can perfect themselves without the aid of others. But it has shown me my true lacking at the same time, one that is as hard to describe for me as it is to admit to myself. I am unloveable. I push away those who could love me as I don’t notice their love. A sensor in my brain is missing that picks up on that, maybe, or my upbringing has left me on automatic numbness. Could be both, the world is cruel.But the heavens are fair. For my lacking is balanced by my excelling, which is clearly not humility (though I am pretty good at that. Perhaps the best, in all honesty.) I’m a master of abstraction. If you don’t know what that is, then you’re not alone, since it’s, by definition, not a real thing. I can comprehend things to such a degree I can pull profundity from them to explain to others in ways they can understand. I speak in metaphors and allusions to connect all knowledge together and find ways to bring about a communal understanding. An ability solely suited for writing, I suppose. Wish it worked on grammar, but, it doesn’t. (Comma splice was on purpose. Probably.)

So it seems a good time to state who I’m looking for. Much like myself you’ll have two dichotomous sides rattling off in your own internal mindspace. I figure one should be a relatively timid side to you that’s concerned with everyone in your life getting a long and keeping a harmony in your connected web of social life stable. This side would probably bend over backwards for people, so you only let the people you trust know this side is there.

The otherside of you, the side you know you’d get bad if you left unchecked, is the part of you that can be too practical and analytical towards it’s goals and execution. You’re not as cut throat as you make yourself out to be, but if you need to bring down the hammer, you get kind of… robotic in your head, I suppose would be a good metaphor. Observational and rational, parameters and specifications. Almost like a part of you is an evil calculator. This side is usually triggered whenever someone is doing some nonsense that people get up to, if that makes sense.

Your soul, though, is pretty goal-oriented. Likes a task completed and being a do’er in life. You go places and get things done. Nothing better than getting something checked off the list of things you’ve wanted to do, amiright? (I literally guessing, that’s just what my math says you’re big on.)You’re into fashion, but you’d rather wear comfy at home. You’re into possessions on an emotional connection level, but they’ve got to be practical. But for all the things and abilities you have, you lack something that’s rather important, something most people around you would probably never notice. You have no ideal. No dreams. No profound wisdom that would change everything and make the world, you’re life, better. You live off other people’s dreams, you see other people’s hopes for the future. But that’s just a giant void stuck the pit of your stomach that you can’t seem to figure out with all the reason and love you possess. It’s just there, like the ::blank:: that you drew when reading this paragraph. It’s just lacking, and you can’t create the inspiration to begin filling it.

So come to me. Let’s combine our abilities to teach each other what a good form of this would be. I’ll fixate on comprehending all that is and isn’t while you can keep us on task to build a connection. Let’s make a story together worth telling. It’ll be interesting one, though I can’t promise it’ll be fun. It should be fun though, if everything plays out in the general direction I expect it will. I really hope it does.

Chat, dm, message, carrier pigeon, whatever works for you. I’m mainly on this and discord, so let’s talk. Oh, almost forgot. I don’t care about most things people go on about for physicality sort of level. If you’re a feminine entity with the described personality and aged in the general range of close to being or actually being a Millennial, you’re in.

P.S. I feel like your practical side isn’t going to get on board without some clear expectations, so I’ll say this: I’m looking for a respectful, non-sexual relationship that would carry the title of “person of significant interest” for a “courtship phase” lasting between 1-3 months. Excluding unavoidable circumstances or times that would require focus, e.g.-free time, remembering each other exist and communicating if possible would be the prerogative and expectation. These rules can be negotiated during the courtship phase and require both parties consent. Courtship phase would be considered over based on both parties agreeing to progress to a new form of relationship or one party deciding to dissolve relationship (e.g.-ghosting). I rescind my ability to dissolve communication, excluding situations where repeated violations of the above terms have occurred.

P.S.S.- That was tough to write… I’m not cut out to be a lawyer, for sure.