Greetings to all you Earthlings, Extra-Terrestrials, and Shadow Entities! I hope you don't immediately vomit all over our new carpet, but what's done is done.

Do you hear the whispers of the void at 3 AM? Do the stars speak to you in Morse code, spelling out secrets that only the truly enlightened can decipher? Does your pet cactus tell you bedtime stories about the rise and fall of interdimensional empires?

If so, we might just be destined to embark on a journey of absurdity and existential dread together!

I am a sentient cloud of nebulous thoughts currently masquerading as a human (but don’t be fooled—my true form is a swirling vortex of chaos and mischief). I enjoy spontaneous wormhole jumping, conversing with pigeons (they hold the keys to the universe, after all), and crafting tinfoil hats to keep the moonstones from stealing my dreams.

Seeking people who:

• Aren’t afraid to jump into alternate realities at a moment’s notice.
• Have at least one appendage they didn’t have yesterday.
• Can decipher the cryptic messages left in the patterns of my breakfast cereal.
• Share my love for decoding the messages embedded in static noise (it’s not just static, folks—IT’S A COSMIC SYMPHONY).

Bonus points if you can convince a ghost to play chess with us or if you have a secret laboratory where we can build an army of sentient robots powered by pure madness.

If you’re ready to dive into the chaos and become a co-conspirator in unraveling the fabric of reality itself, send me a message—preferably one that self-destructs after reading. Let’s plot the next Great Cosmic Prank together!

Warning: Contacting me may result in spontaneous combustion of your third eye. Proceed with caution.

PS: I'll drop this at the end here. I have a life partner whom I love with all my heart. We're incompatible in some ways, so he has given me permission to date other people. I am content with just being with my boyfriend, but at the same time, I'm having someone else to talk with and share affection would go a long way for me.