I’m getting the somber realization that finding a meaningful female partner online based on more than just sex, i.e connecting and meaning (no NSA one night stands) will be hard, practically impossible.

At 43, soon to be 44, acting and feeling more somber, mature, and serious from the disappointments of dating than my younger counterparts, I’m probably not gonna be at all your cup of tea, and probably you’re not gonna be my cup of tea. because the things I need might not be the things you need. And vice versa.

As we age and our life experiences harden us, we tend to numb ourselves a lot more to cope and survive. I don’t want to just survive. I want to thrive sexually with a woman. I want her to thrive with me and be free to be full, wholesome, seen and present.

It’s getting harder and harder to find a true genuine connection (even among women) in a world that keeps us isolated, lonely, depressed, dissatisfied, and numb, that keeps us focused on empty quick sexual exchanges devoid of care, empathy and commitment.

I’m working hard on aging with dignity and keeping my core values and beliefs alive. I’m vulnerable. Yet, I’m working on not letting myself lose the youthful spark of life, the erotic playfulness, the laughter, the joking, the using one’s sense of humor to get over set backs and rejections and move on with a sense of purpose from new lessons learned.

Some days the work is just acknowledging that I have a good day and not focusing on the bad days/dating setbacks before it. Other days, I work much harder on remembering to re-focus and continuing the search for a meaningful relationship online with a special female partner match that exists out there, but I haven’t found her yet because the right time, person, and place are yet to happen.

and not just sexually find my match in a woman, but also intellectually align in a way that we click on levels that are mutually satisfying and also honest, real, and vulnerable. Where trust will happens and it will allow us to get closer together and share more of what we can freely bring into our mutual partnership.

Until then…