I have a situation that I’m not quite sure why I’m feeling the way. I’m feeling. I’m hoping that somebody out there can shed some light on what’s going on in my head.

First a little background. I am married, have a girlfriend of about six months, her name is Anna, she lives about two hours away. She’s not the problem, but she is part of the story. Shortly after I started dating Anna, I started dating another girl, her name is Beth. Beth lives about five blocks away.

Anna is married with three kids and one other boyfriend that she’s been seeing about twice as long as she’s been seeing me. Beth is divorced with 2 kids, and single.

My relationship with Anna is fantastic. Honestly, my relationship with Beth is fantastic. As I stated earlier, and has another boyfriend that she spends roughly the same amount of time per month with as she does me. I have no problems, no issues with this other boyfriend I have not met him, but she likes him and he seems like a pretty good dude. Beth, on the other hand, has no one but me.

Here in lies the problem. I cannot wrap my head around being comfortable with Beth dating other people. Very recently, as in the last couple of days, she started talking to an ex-boyfriend, and is currently at his house for an overnight as I’m writing this. I am feeling extreme jealousy, and extreme anxiety over the fact that she is with him tonight, and after hearing about her conversations with him, it’s very likely that they will be getting back together. She has told me that her feelings for me have not changed, that she still loves me, and that she has lots of love to give. This woman is so amazing, she will sit and listen to all of my worries and all of my anxiety without passing judgment or getting upset. She reassures me that she loves me, and that I’m her person, and that even though she’s dating this other guy, her feelings for me will not change.

1. Why am I feeling all this jealousy over Beth dating a new guy, when I don’t feel the same jealousy over Anna dating a guy?

2. I am well aware that I am uncomfortable with Beth dating another guy, even though I am doing the exact same thing by dating another girl. I’m very logical yet. I cannot figure out why I have a problem with Beth dating this guy.

3. I have not and I will not ask or demand that Beth stop seeing this guy. She knows I’m not a fan, but I’m not going to put her in a position where she has to choose between the two of us.

I’m a relative newcomer to this poly lifestyle, only having been a part of it about as long as I’ve been dating Anna. My wife and I began this journey as swingers in September 2023 and have made the switch to poly since roughly February of this year. My wife has a guy that she’s been seeing pretty regularly for about nine months, and she also dates Anna’s husband.

Can anyone help me to understand why I’m feeling this way and maybe help me to get past it? I know that if I keep giving Beth a hard time about dating this guy, I will lose her. I really don’t want that.

Help!!