My partner and his other partner fight often. Sometimes they are small, seemingly insignificant fights. But often, they are huge blowouts. I don’t know the content of their fights, though I have ideas. Another problem is developing where the fights affect my partner and I’s relationship. For example, my partner will be in such a bad headspace for hours or days (on a fairly regular basis), that he can’t be there fully for me. I can’t have a normal conversation with him, or he misses our rituals, or he is so exhausted from the fighting that he’s just not himself.

I try to be supportive. I remind him how much I like and care for him. That he’s a good person and I’m happy to have him in my life. But these fights with his other partner are really starting to get me down by association because my partner turns into a shell of himself.

I’m starting to think that if they can’t get these fights under control, they should probably consider breaking up. It seems like a toxic relationship from the outside. But I also know that I don’t have all the details and I can’t control their relationship (nor do I want to).

I mentioned to my partner with the latest blowout that when this happens, it affects me too. I asked him to consider keeping me more in the know when he’s in these mind states (he did not tell me about it this time until I nearly dragged it out of him).

Though we haven’t had a chance to discuss it deeply yet. Do y’all have any advice on how to approach this delicate matter short of ‘break up with him’? Thank you!