I feel like crap. First of all, I struggle with Christmas and gift giving in general, not because I don’t like to give gifts, but because I am just not good at it. I don’t know how other people do it so well. I actually mostly struggle with gifting for the men in my life. Women are easier for me. Most of the men in my life just get themselves what they want and if there’s something they don’t have that I want to give them, it’s more than I can afford. I feel like being polyam adds another layer of complication for me because of comparison of what another partner can give. I’m not with my partner all the time in the day to day so I don’t hear what he actually needs. I try to pay attention throughout the year, but if you not with someone in their day to day you kind of miss some stuff. My partner and I just have loads of fun when we’re together, which is great. Anyway, we exchanged gifts last night and all my gifts were perfect and thoughtful and useful, and I even got more presents than I gave him. I’m returning two of the gifts I have for him in exchange for a different more expensive item that he will use. The other two gifts he explained why they won’t work for their purpose for him and he was very kind and gentle about it, he didn’t do anything wrong, and then I gave him a couple of little items too that now just seem super dumb and silly to me. I suck at gifts and researching what other people need. He puts so much thought and research into his gifts. It just sucks because gift giving is a skill and it’s not my forte. And I want my gifts to show someone how much I care and I feel like crap now. His other partner, his wife, is really good at gifts too and she makes a lot more money than me and I’m happy for him that he has at least one partner who won’t give crappy gifts. The reason why I’m posting this in polyam is because you can miss out on the day to day information that helps you get a good gift for someone as well as the comparison of another partner giving much better gifts, but if I’m being honest I truly am glad his wife will do a better job. I just feel like a crappy ass girlfriend who didn’t put enough thought into the gifts. I get really bad anxiety around Christmas as well because I wait not quite until the last minute but well into December to get gifts because I’ll think of a bunch of ideas for people but they’re never good enough so I keep putting off getting gifts because I’m hoping I think of better ideas and they never come. Anyway, I don’t like this time of year and now I am a sucky partner to my bf too when it comes to gift giving. I feel so dumb. My gift giving skills don’t reflect how much I care. I feel like if I was in a monogamous relationship there wouldn’t be an extra hurdle of figuring out good gifts and there wouldn’t be the hurdle of comparison to other partners. Alright now to give other shitty gifts. I always feel so bad about myself this time of year