Hi I (26F) have been a little poly baby pretending/trying my absolute best to be mono for about 8-10 years and through multiple relationships. Well I’ve decided I’m done. I’m out of the closet lol.

I have done so much trauma work on my own, slowly taking up more of my own space. Found out I was autistic last year, went no contact with my NPD father. And now, I am leaving my non-negotiable mono 3 year relationship after working really hard for years to “change” myself, believing along the way that I had become ace because I literally “lost” that part of me completely for this entire relationship. I have tried everything to make him happy, but refused to believe myself that we actually both deserve more.

A lot of (one-sided) self work, most of which had nothing to do with being poly. Weekly therapy, journaling, poetry, a bachelors degreee!!! A lot of self-hate and perfectionism was filling the void that I was not able to fill with the (permission to) love in the ways that were missing.

Yes ma’am yes sireee - I feel very proud of myself and full of self love. I even came out to my family last week. ☹️😟🥺 No, it went okay.

I am so sad to lose my partner/best friend but after half-knowing the ending for so long, its a long awaited relief to feel the acceptance of that, rather than the denial/fear of loss. I am scared to go off on my own. I am scared of change. I have a lot of fears. But no fear of regret. Finally. For once in my short life I am making a HUGE choice for MYSELF only, EVEN though it will be hard, it will hurt.

I know for once this is absolutely right and this is me. This is me! I’m just proud. I finally feel whole without anyone. Not afraid to be alone, I am just meeting myself for the first time in a lot of ways. I am not Too Much To Love(TM) and like my dad used to say “you’ll be lucky to find someone who can handle you.” Oh yes I will be lucky! and So will they!!

Literally cannot wait for the first time I say “I’m poly” and then refuse to negotiate my identity. I am SURE. I am out af. I’m so excited for my life.

Thanks for reading!