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Looking for advice on the viability of my weirdly complicated fwb/queerplatonic situation
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Looking for advice

I(23ftm, it's relevant) think this is more about my general lack of experience in relationships rather than specifically poly/enm stuff but it is actually pretty relevant to the situation I found myself in, so this felt like the right place. I've had one mono relationship and a couple relationships with blurry line between friend and partner as a teen. The line has always been pretty blurry for me, but I've been single since. I consider myself poly, just with no experience yet, which is definitely a hurdle I'll have to cross.

To make a long story short, I have been part of a pretty big friend group for the past year, see everyone or varied subsets of people multiple times a month kinda thing. It's been great and it's really queer and ND, love that. Recently one of the friends I'm closer with (25mtf) has been flirting and getting more physical and we drunkenly hooked up last night. (Check up says we are happy with it, no regrets, only fun) She has a nesting partner, who I'm also good friends with, and they are both poly, I'm not the first person in the group she has slept with. Thought I don't know the specifics which is a discussion we should have should we continue out sexual relationship which seems likely if infrequent from our talk. Her partner was made aware and seemed to encourage it. She did make it clear that she wasn't looking for more than a friends deal which I'm okay with.

There is however a hiccup that makes me wonder if it's actually a good idea or if i should keep it to the one time and shut out the sexual aspect; I haven't had sex in literally 7 years, yeah. And it was my first time since starting my transition, and she's the second person ever i had sex with. Obviously this meant a lot more to me than just any casual hookup, it was a great experience that helped my confidence and may help me be open to relationships again, sexual and romantic alike. My only sexual relationship was not pretty and i was deeply in denial about being trans, so big change. It was an eye opener about T4T relationships and I would definitely like for it to happen again, tho I'm not one to have a lot of sex, clearly, so I feel like this is a great way for me to explore with someone who is safe and I consider a good friend. However I worry I could catch feeling? I don't feel like I would, but a lot of talk of Fwb/friends and similar relationships imply it's common and I guess I'm wondering if I'm too close to the situation to see the big picture? I also have trouble with the lines between friendship and romance? Like, there's quite a few of these friends I trust enought that I would likely say yes to hook up with or date if they asked, but I know it's not typical so I just keep that quiet. I don't feel the need to initiate anyway, even this hookup was mostly her coming on the me, and I said yes cause I felt like it and it was hot.

To be clear, we are legit friends, and I really value her friendship along with the rest of the group. She introduced me to them and these people changed my life for the better. We play dnd together, hang out, mostly in a bigger group but sometimes just the 2 of us. I hang with subsets of the group when she's not there etc. I'm also definitely attracted to her physically, we have great chemistry and being with someone else who is trans makes me more comfortable, same for her. I am not interested in nesting with her, or going on dates and such or anything to do with the relationship escalator. I'm good with friendly hangouts that have a chance to finish with a hook up if the mood strikes, which is what she's putting on the table.

So I guess my questions are, firstly, how would one classify/describe this kind of relationship? I feel like fwb works pretty well, but is there something more specific or divorced from the idea that it's either just sex, or bound to turn into a relationship or fail entirely? Because I feel like it's a more gray situation here where we're pretty close friends and sex is just kinda part of our bond right now. I don't necessarily need to lable it, but it would be nice just to find similar situations and read about it.

Next, do I sound damn delusional and clearly want more? I'm pretty sure I'm not after some reflection, but after this wall of text I'm doubting myself a bit. The amount of times I read someone completely oblivious to their own situation, i don't want to discount it off the bat. I'll definitely have to let this stew in my brain and think more on it. Especially considering the circumstances.

And lastly, anyone with experience with something similar want to share? I'm curious how it works out in the long run. The only info on this i find is about and from mono people so the relationship is always considered temporary, but in a poly context, could this just be a friend I sleep with sometimes for the duration of our friendship? Of course thing can change for a bunch of other reasons, time, drive, etc. Not that I expect it to last forever lol, I'm just a nervous type and like having an idea of the possibilities.

Communication is likely the answer to all of that, but I'd like opinions here in the hopes to be better at communicating myself, and even before that, to be honest with myself about this.

Thank you for reading all of that, I'm looking for blunt answers or advice, I don't want to be coddled. The most important thing to me here is the integrity of the friend group and my place in it even as relationships shift. It's a great source of joy and support for me and if cutting out the option of fwb is the only way, I'm cool with it

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4 months ago