TW: SA (mods, I tagged post as NSFW)

I have to stop seeing someone that I thought I really connected with. He is a liar (and worse) and I cannot tolerate that.

He was so funny, sweet, gentle, and patient with me. He was so romantic in ways that I didn’t think I could find. I loved waking up to his good morning texts, and sending weird memes back and forth all day to make each other smile. He wore his heart on his sleeve. He said he trusted me more than anyone he’s met since moving back here. I believed him because I wanted to believe that I had found another weird, sensitive soul like mine in this weird dating pool. All the little weird things make sense now. My gut told me to investigate why the last name I was told didn’t match on some mail I found in his home. I’ve never had the urge to do a background check on somebody before, but clearly I’m just naive in the new dating world.

He is a convicted felon. He was in prison for three years. He lied to me about that period of time, where he was, and what he was doing. He had so many detailed lies… it’s disgusting.

TW:SA His felony is sex-related, multiple counts, all in the first degree. He has never disclosed this felony to me (all has happened within last 5 years, with his prison release in the past 12 months). We have slept together, laughed together, enjoyed incredible dates together for months. He wanted me to start staying over, joining him on trips with his family and friends over the summer… I wasn’t ready, something kept telling me that it wasn’t the right choice to even entertain the thought, and I know why now. It was a weird gut feeling when I was otherwise so blissfully happy to be in this person’s presence.

He didn’t tell me because he knows I certainly would not have continued seeing or speaking with him had he disclosed the truth to me in the beginning. Now, I have wasted months of my life on somebody I thought I knew but I clearly did not. The lies and deceit hurt a lot, and the nature of the lie hurts even more. I let him into my weird little life and I was so happy that he could see the world similarly to how I did.

I won’t be telling him I know. I won’t be speaking to him at all. I’ve been sitting on this knowledge for what feels like forever. I feel a whirlwind of emotions— mostly just sad. I haven’t disclosed my own past to him (his victim(s) and I have survived similar crimes) and I truly believe that if I had, he would still not have said anything. He seemed so content and happy to carry on together pretending like there wasn’t this massive elephant in the room.

I’m just here to vent, and mope, and maybe roll around the this sadness pile for a while longer. I have only told my NP, but not my other partners. I don’t even know what to say. I’m normally so happy and upbeat and just massively positive with my people, and today I feel destroyed, disgusted, and I can’t match anybody’s energy.