My primary partner and I have been together for a year. We’ve built a really beautiful life together that we both treasure. We were strictly monogamous for a while when we were going through our “New Relationship” phase, and we really founded this great relationship where we’re always communicative and frank about our feelings and desires. That’s what led us to return to Polyamory — we’d both had a history of engaging in that before we met. Polyamory only further cemented our strong communication and sense of independence. It has been fun the ways we cheer each other on and are sex & romance-positive. It’s been the best period of my life. I jokingly would say that I felt like my life “really began” around the time we met. I would jokingly say it, but I do mean it. I’m feeling more confident about myself, I’m more than my trauma would leave me to believe and has in the past. I’m a strong bugger. 😎

Well, this week has been hard. I started a new job and I work in a pretty niche thing so my employer has had me travel out of town (literally across the country, from our coast to the opposite one), to get onboarded and do some cool work that is continuing my career. I’m actually super excited about that!!

The thing I want to vent about is that my partner has unexpectedly STOPPED communicating clearly with me, when I’m not in town. It started with earlier in the week where she outright lied to me about staying at a mutual friend’s house — in reality she’d gone there for a bit and then slept at someone’s house whom I’m not familiar with and I don’t know anything about. That was alarming to me because we DON’T communicate like that. We’re always upfront about what we’re doing — and that’s a catalyst for our individual confidence and strength as a unit. Her excuse being that she was drunk and lonely… Okay, hey, I’ve done tons of dumb drunk shit, like lots of people do lol.. We’re all humans here….

But fast forward just a couple days later, we’d been communicating, but there’d been some drama with some friends, blah blah — I’m not even on the same coast at the moment, so I respect that I’m not close to the details. But we basically went through it again. But this time she was fully sober. From my perspective, it’s like I’d been left in the dark… and to make things worse, she’d told me, “hey, I’m going to call you soon”… and I’m patiently waiting in my hotel room… I could have went out for dinner instead of eating in, I could have met with a friend I know out here, there were other things I could have done tonight, but what I got was I patiently waited after she said she was going to call me, and then an hour later she admitted that she went hang out with that same person again WITHOUT even mentioning it. And the excuse for telling me that she was going to call me and then leaving me stranded? “Oh, we got caught up in a conversation.”

But wait… apparently this person lives like 15 minutes away from our home. This just isn’t mathing for me. I feel really hurt. Like, as someone who is a natural caretaker, I tend to be very forgiving, protective, and understanding, but now I feel truly alone in a way. Like my best friend and deepest lover doesn’t care anymore… It hasn’t been easy for me either… I’m out here in a strange town just left with my feelings and I have to catch a flight back home in just hours from now and I can barely sleep or even feel okay… It just sucks that once again in my life I’m finding myself in a “suck it up and press on” moment where it feels like me vs the world. 😕